First off, Happy 4th of July! I know I'm a day late, but we were so busy yesterday and I totally forgot to put up a post. We had an absolutely wonderful 4th of July, and I hope everyone else did as well.
I've always wondered how popular domestic discipline is. I guess it's the "research brain" part of me or the fact that I love statistics. But either way, I have always wondered how many people truly practice. However, because a very large majority of those who practice domestic discipline keep it under such tight wraps, I don't think there has been any concrete data released on the subject (which sucks because I really want to know!)
However, what I can say is this..
There are many different forms of domestic discipline. I think when a lot of people hear the term domestic discipline they automatically think "husband gives wife rules, if wife breaks them she gets spanked". That isn't always the case. In fact, there are numerous relationships/marriages/arrangements out there that fall into the domestic discipline category, but don't include spanking at all. Simply speaking, domestic discipline is anytime one spouse becomes the "leader" of the house (whether unintentional or intentional) and puts down rules or guidelines (whether unintentional or intentional) for the other spouse and if those are not followed some form of punishment ensues. A lot of marriages probably don't even realize that they're operating under "domestic discipline". Take this for example..
When I was in grad school (and hadn't yet truly heard of domestic discipline, definitely didn't practice it, and if I had heard about it at that point, I would have wanted nothing to do with it) I had a close friend who had recently gotten married. To this day, I'm convinced that neither her, or her new husband, had any knowledge of domestic discipline. But that's beside the point.
Her and I spent probably 4 out of 7 days a week together (studying, shopping, decorating her new house, etc) and got to know each other really well. One day, we went out shopping and she went a tad bit overboard (actually, a lot overboard if you would have asked her husband). Both of us didn't really think anything of it. Later that evening, we went back to her house and her new husband saw an entire trunk full of shopping bags. His response was the usual "what on earth were you thinking?" "seriously we haven't even made our first mortgage payment yet!" and then it came..."if you can't be responsible with credit cards maybe you shouldn't even have them!" and he marched over to her wallet and took them out.
Now, for us "DD wives" this scenario wouldn't really be out of the ordinary. You break a rule, you lose privileges. However, for my friend, it was out of the ordinary. I even asked her, later down the road, if he'd ever done that before and she replied no. There were several further statements she made that fully convinced me, over the years, that her, nor her husband really had any idea what DD was and more than likely drew the line at punishments right then and there are removing her credit cards. There was never a set rule list created, nor any sort of punishment list (so to speak). But, she lost her credit cards. And, do I believe that pretty much any husband would do that, DD or not? Absolutely.
The point here is that domestic discipline exists everywhere. It may not be the form of domestic discipline you are used to, it may not be labeled as domestic discipline, and it may not be easy to "spot" and that's ok. But, it's out there.
I know it is so hard to wrap your head around "what if other people found out we practiced dd!?". I get that and I'm not saying "well now everyone should feel comfortable sharing it!" because that's totally unrealistic.
What I am saying is that you aren't alone. There are forms of domestic discipline in a very high number of marriages. Some may be microscopically small and some may run rampant. Regardless, any marriage that has a leader is going to have some form of domestic discipline. You may totally disagree with me all you want, but look past domestic discipline as being about spanking, set in stone rules or designated punishments.
It is very easy to feel alone in the domestic discipline lifestyle, partly because you (and others) choose to be so private about it that you are afraid to talk about it with others, and partly because you don't know where to look for support.
The point of this entire post is that you aren't alone. There are small (or large) forms of domestic discipline (probably not called by that name, or any name though) in a significant number of relationships. I guarantee it. Now, the number that include spanking? That number probably greatly decreases. But nonetheless, domestic discipline is out there in full force.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Just some sentences :-)
Our first vacation since we had our son = total success! We had a blast. It was an adjustment waking up this morning and not having the beach 10 steps from our bedroom, but we'll be ok. :-) Although I'm not super happy to be back to "real life" now and really don't want my husband to return to work tomorrow, we had an awesome time and can't wait for our next trip.
My "one year of no punishment" challenge (that I created for myself, lol) is well underway. I started it 2 weeks ago (after this) and so far so good! Even though it's only been about 2 weeks, it's going great. I haven't even had any warnings since then! Success! Only 50 more weeks to go.
In other news, I'm once again way behind on emails. If you emailed me recently (or, since like April, lol) I am going to work on getting back with you this week. I know I also have a lot of comments that have went without a response so I will work on catching up on that as well. Also, I haven't forgotten about my weekly roundups either. :-)
I've got a few posts scheduled for this week (and upcoming weeks) but if there's something specific you'd like to see, feel free to leave in a comment.
Although I miss being on vacation, it feels great to be back. :-)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!
-Chelsea
My "one year of no punishment" challenge (that I created for myself, lol) is well underway. I started it 2 weeks ago (after this) and so far so good! Even though it's only been about 2 weeks, it's going great. I haven't even had any warnings since then! Success! Only 50 more weeks to go.
In other news, I'm once again way behind on emails. If you emailed me recently (or, since like April, lol) I am going to work on getting back with you this week. I know I also have a lot of comments that have went without a response so I will work on catching up on that as well. Also, I haven't forgotten about my weekly roundups either. :-)
I've got a few posts scheduled for this week (and upcoming weeks) but if there's something specific you'd like to see, feel free to leave in a comment.
Although I miss being on vacation, it feels great to be back. :-)
Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!
-Chelsea
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Worst Spanking Ever
So, remember how I was planning on going a year without punishment? Well, that didn't happen. My no-punishment streak and awesome rule following skills were destroyed all because I didn't think. Honestly, I think just about every rule I break or mistake that I make is caused by one thing - not thinking before I act. I really need to get better at that.
I wouldn't say that I have a lot of rules. They're all the pretty standard ones, and nothing too out of the ordinary. They're all rules that I think just about every marriage has, in some form - be respectful, be honest, listen, stuff like that. Above all else though is the "don't do anything dangerous" rule.
When you break that rule twice in one week would anyone like to take a guess the enormous amount of trouble that a person would be in? Because that's precisely what happened.
I'm very anti-texting while driving. But, my husband is even more anti texting while driving and I understand why. It's dangerous, and honestly, after reading the stats on it (which I should have done before I did such a stupid thing!) I'm shocked that the entire world hasn't made it illegal yet.
Last week, on two separate occasions (back to back days) I sent a text message while driving. While this might not sound like a big deal, it was. Not that it's ok to text while driving anywhere, anytime, but it's definitely worse to do so on the freeway, in traffic. Bottom line- bad idea.
My husband didn't find out until after both texting while driving incidents happened, and needless to say, he wasn't happy (although he was still more calm than I expected). In fact, I actually titled this blog entry before the punishments even happened because I knew it would be bad.
To cut to the chase, I got in a lot of trouble. Texting while driving once is bad enough, but twice is even worse.
If I break a spankable rule but my husband can't do the spanking like normal for whatever the reason is, we do shorter ones each night that sort of reminds me that I'm still in trouble for the offense. By short, I'm talking short reminders that sting but thankfully the sting doesn't last longer than 20 minutes or so. So, in this situation, I got "nightly reminder spankings" (that's the term I've kind of coined for them, but there may be a better name or an official term out there, I don't know) for a few nights before I actually got punished just due to the circumstances of our week (we had a lot going on, and were extremely busy). Needless to say, these nighty reminder spankings made the punishment worse because it's like a constant reminder that you're still in trouble (and big trouble at that!) which I guess is the point. But still, it sucked.
I ended this "punishment week" as I call it with 2 spankings- 1 for each texting while driving offense, and several nightly reminder spankings. All in all, I got spanked every night last week for one thing or another (texting while driving, or nightly reminders). I'm telling you guys/girls- worst. spanking. ever.
Did it suck? That's an understatement. Was it worth it? Absolutely no way on this earth. Did I learn from it? Yes x 1,000,000. Am I glad it's over? Ya'll have no idea.
So, if anyone out there does text while driving (while you're in a DD relationship or not, since I know lots of people from "both sides of the fence" read my blog) please don't. Seriously, just think about this.
There's also this video, which is extremely powerful. If you text while driving, seriously, I'm begging you to stop. It's not fair to you, your family, your friends, your children, your spouse, or anyone else on the road.
Just remember this..
I wouldn't say that I have a lot of rules. They're all the pretty standard ones, and nothing too out of the ordinary. They're all rules that I think just about every marriage has, in some form - be respectful, be honest, listen, stuff like that. Above all else though is the "don't do anything dangerous" rule.
When you break that rule twice in one week would anyone like to take a guess the enormous amount of trouble that a person would be in? Because that's precisely what happened.
I'm very anti-texting while driving. But, my husband is even more anti texting while driving and I understand why. It's dangerous, and honestly, after reading the stats on it (which I should have done before I did such a stupid thing!) I'm shocked that the entire world hasn't made it illegal yet.
Last week, on two separate occasions (back to back days) I sent a text message while driving. While this might not sound like a big deal, it was. Not that it's ok to text while driving anywhere, anytime, but it's definitely worse to do so on the freeway, in traffic. Bottom line- bad idea.
My husband didn't find out until after both texting while driving incidents happened, and needless to say, he wasn't happy (although he was still more calm than I expected). In fact, I actually titled this blog entry before the punishments even happened because I knew it would be bad.
To cut to the chase, I got in a lot of trouble. Texting while driving once is bad enough, but twice is even worse.
If I break a spankable rule but my husband can't do the spanking like normal for whatever the reason is, we do shorter ones each night that sort of reminds me that I'm still in trouble for the offense. By short, I'm talking short reminders that sting but thankfully the sting doesn't last longer than 20 minutes or so. So, in this situation, I got "nightly reminder spankings" (that's the term I've kind of coined for them, but there may be a better name or an official term out there, I don't know) for a few nights before I actually got punished just due to the circumstances of our week (we had a lot going on, and were extremely busy). Needless to say, these nighty reminder spankings made the punishment worse because it's like a constant reminder that you're still in trouble (and big trouble at that!) which I guess is the point. But still, it sucked.
I ended this "punishment week" as I call it with 2 spankings- 1 for each texting while driving offense, and several nightly reminder spankings. All in all, I got spanked every night last week for one thing or another (texting while driving, or nightly reminders). I'm telling you guys/girls- worst. spanking. ever.
Did it suck? That's an understatement. Was it worth it? Absolutely no way on this earth. Did I learn from it? Yes x 1,000,000. Am I glad it's over? Ya'll have no idea.
So, if anyone out there does text while driving (while you're in a DD relationship or not, since I know lots of people from "both sides of the fence" read my blog) please don't. Seriously, just think about this.
- Answering a text message takes away your attention from the road for approximately 5 seconds. That is enough time for your car to travel an entire football field. (Click here for source)
- Texting while driving increases your chance of causing a car accident, or getting in a car accident, by 23 times what your risk would be if you were not texting while driving. (Click here for source)
- For every 6 seconds of drive time, a person texting while driving spends approximately 4.6 of those seconds with their eyes off the road. (Click here for source)
- Texting while driving or being distracted by your cell phone causes a drivers reaction to be the same as if you had a blood alcohol level of .08% (aka- enough for a DUI) (Click here for source)
There's also this video, which is extremely powerful. If you text while driving, seriously, I'm begging you to stop. It's not fair to you, your family, your friends, your children, your spouse, or anyone else on the road.
The spanking may have been hard, the lecture may have been long, the decision may have been stupid (really stupid)..but it was, hands down, better than the alternative.
So, now I'm restarting my "one year of no punishment!" streak. Everyone wish me luck. :-) I'm totally determined to do this.
Everyone have an amazing week, and remember, don't text while driving!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
I'm still alive! :-)
Seems like forever since I've posted. Sorry about that! We're leaving for vacation in about 6 days (yessss!!!) and it's been a lot of work to prepare for that, mixed in with everything else we have going on.
Last week I got in some pretty huge trouble. My post regarding it is scheduled to go up tomorrow (Monday) so check back then. I think that may have been another thing that prevented me from blogging last week..sorry everyone. :-( However, I'm thankful that it's behind us now and I can learn from it and life can move forward. Being in trouble really sucks.
In happier news, HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the amazing dads out there. I'm grateful to have such an awesome father who makes me laugh and smile all the time. He's the hardest worker I've ever met, but also the most down to earth, laid back, and hilarious person. I love my dad. :-)
And, a special Happy First Fathers Day to my absolutely amazing husband. I knew he would be a fantastic dad, but he has exceeded all thoughts. If I had to create the perfect dad for our son, he still wouldn't be anywhere close to what my husband is. He's truly the most amazing person I know, and I'm beyond blessed to be married to such a fantastic person. Our son is probably the luckiest child in the world to have the dad he does. I wish you all could see the way his face lights up literally every time he sees his dad. It is precious.
Being a parent is a lot of work, but it's such a rewarding part of life. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there! I hope you have an absolutely awesome day with your children and your family!
Last week I got in some pretty huge trouble. My post regarding it is scheduled to go up tomorrow (Monday) so check back then. I think that may have been another thing that prevented me from blogging last week..sorry everyone. :-( However, I'm thankful that it's behind us now and I can learn from it and life can move forward. Being in trouble really sucks.
In happier news, HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the amazing dads out there. I'm grateful to have such an awesome father who makes me laugh and smile all the time. He's the hardest worker I've ever met, but also the most down to earth, laid back, and hilarious person. I love my dad. :-)
And, a special Happy First Fathers Day to my absolutely amazing husband. I knew he would be a fantastic dad, but he has exceeded all thoughts. If I had to create the perfect dad for our son, he still wouldn't be anywhere close to what my husband is. He's truly the most amazing person I know, and I'm beyond blessed to be married to such a fantastic person. Our son is probably the luckiest child in the world to have the dad he does. I wish you all could see the way his face lights up literally every time he sees his dad. It is precious.
Being a parent is a lot of work, but it's such a rewarding part of life. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there! I hope you have an absolutely awesome day with your children and your family!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Discrimination in DD
Before I start, I want to preface this entry with a couple of things. The first is that my intention is not to make the focus of this post to be about the person losing business, getting hate mail or anything along those lines. For that reason, I have chosen not to name the site I am referring to in the below entry.
I'm not a "drama person", at all. I hate it. My point behind posting this is to bring awareness to the fact that discrimination exists in domestic discipline and I guess I was completely naive for the fact that I didn't expect it to happen unless the person was waving a red flag to every single person they come across saying "hey, I practice DD!". For the record, although my husband and I are open about DD (meaning we don't go to great lengths to hide the fact it's a part of our marriage) I don't wave that red flag. So before anyone person leaves me a comment or sends me an email informing me that me being open about DD is clearly the problem here..it isn't.
Alright, now, to the story.
As some of you may have noticed, my blog got a mini-makeover this past weekend. I was getting a little tired of the boring plain pink layout, and I wanted something different. As a side note, the one I currently have up is a temporary one until I have time to write an HTML code on my own.
So, when I sat down last weekend to redo my blog, I really didn't have the time to spend 4+ hours (at least) writing the HTML code for it, and doing it myself let alone the hours it would take me to perfect it since I'm a major perfectionist. I just wanted something quick. So, I started browsing around sites of freelance blog designers and came across one I recognized because she had designed some non-DD blogs that I read.
I sent her an email inquiring on pricing for her to design me a quick blog layout. We emailed back and forth a few times (which you'll see in just a moment) but what I never expected was the end result. I thought the end result would be me paying a few hundred dollars and getting a cool new blog layout. It wasn't.
Below are the actual emails (completely 100% unaltered, other than editing out the name of her site). The emails I sent are in purple and the emails she sent are in green.
Hi Becky,
My name is Chelsea, and I found your website through several friends of mines blogs/websites that you have designed. I was wondering if you had some time in your schedule to code a blog layout for me. I'm not 100% sure what I want, but I'm open to ideas/suggestions. Just something summer-like
Anyway, I love your work. :-) So, if you could please get back with me on a quote for a layout, header, and sidebar title tags that would be awesome. Thank you so much and enjoy your holiday weekend!
-Chelsea
Hey Chelsea!!!!
Thanks for your email and kind words regarding my design services. I would love to put together a price quote for you. Do you have a budget in mind? Also, could you send me a link to your blog currently so I could see approx how many blog entries, photos, links/tags, etc. you have so I know how much time I would need to transfer everything over, how many sidebar tags you would need and what tabs you want coded? And also, is it hosted on Blogger or Word Press or another platform? I will put together a quote and a few samples you could browse through and let me know if theres anything you like!
Becky
Hi Becky,
I was actually thinking that if you didn't have enough time or if it would cut the cost down any, you don't have to worry about transferring all the entries, photos, etc. over. I can put the code live on the blog and do all that sort of stuff if you just want to code it for me. Whatevers easiest!
My blog is hosted on Blogger, although if you could make the code a general-use one that would be awesome. I am considering buying a domain name and creating my own site in the near future, but I'd like to still keep the blog part platformed with Blogger.
In terms of budget, I don't really have one but I was kind of wanting to keep it under $500 if possible. :-)
The link to my blog is http://www.knowingyourroles.blogspot.com
Let me know if you need anything else.
Chelsea
Chelsea,
Thanks for the link to your current blog. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to spend the time putting together a quote for you nevertheless be able to create a layout for you.
I looked at your blog and I was appalled. The thought of a man (let alone your husband and someone who is supposed to love, cherish, and protect you from many things especially violence) creating rules and then punishing you like you are some sort of child or animal is sick and my heart hurts for you that you allow this to go on, let alone glamorize it in a blog.
I have never heard of a concept like this but I have to say if my hubby ever put his hands on me, let alone when he was unhappy with me, we would have a big problem. What happens when you decide the fun and games are over and you want a husband, not a disciplinarian?
I don't know you but as a mother to a mother and a woman to a woman and a wife to a wife I urge you to seek help for your abusive marriage and please stop glamorizing it for others as if this is ok.
So no I won't be having anything to do with your blog other than placing it in a mental folder in my brain of the kind of wife I never want to become.
Please don't contact me again. I want nothing to do with someone who believes men and women aren't equal in a marriage and that a man honestly has the right to punish his wife. Lets face it, at the end of the day, I'm a respected, equal, wife to my husband and you are a doormat who doesn't who apparently doesn't mean much to anyone.
This is just sick. A part of my heart breaks for you while the other wants to shake and scream at you for believing this is ok.
Becky
So that was it. I did send her one final email just asking if she had anything else to say before I put it up. As of now, she hasn't responded, but if she does, I will edit this post with her response.
You know, when it's all said and done, it's not like this really impacts my life so much. I mean, it's not like a job offer that just went out the window because of DD, or a house, or a preschool for our son or anything that actually matters. I can code my own blog layout, or find someone else to do it for me. I had every single intention of paying several hundred dollars (or more) for someone to code me a blog layout. The fact she passed up the opportunity simply because she thinks I'm a doormat who doesn't mean much to anyone is kinda sad, hurtful, and if she wants to talk about the words appalling and sickening, we can slip this in that folder as well.
The amazing part is when she asked for my blog URL and I responded, I didn't have second thoughts once. It never, ever crossed my mind that "omigosh, it talks about DD, and now she'll know you get punished. So, be careful giving it out to strangers". Not once. I typed it into that email to her as if I was typing a link to Google.com or any other everyday website. I guess I was naive to the fact that anyone would care. I asked her to code me a layout. I didn't ask for her to visit my blog, read everything, then NOT code me a layout and instead respond with a 6 paragraph editorial.
So the moral of the story here is there are people that disagree with domestic discipline and I'm aware of that. What I was not aware of was how rude some people could be, or how discriminatory. So, lesson learned. Don't be so open about domestic discipline if you don't want to hear what the naysayers think. Got it.
The dilemma of "how open" or "how secretive/private" to be in a DD relationship seems to be a popular one and I don't want this type of thing to sway anyone to one side or the other. My point in posting this is simply to show that if discriminatory comments/emails/opinions can be given in such a low-key forum as this (a blog designer) then it can happen in much bigger ways too.
I'm not a big advocate on being extremely private on domestic discipline (but that's another entry, I guess). But at the same time, be careful who you tell because some people will apparently think you're worthless.
Lesson learned.
I'm not a "drama person", at all. I hate it. My point behind posting this is to bring awareness to the fact that discrimination exists in domestic discipline and I guess I was completely naive for the fact that I didn't expect it to happen unless the person was waving a red flag to every single person they come across saying "hey, I practice DD!". For the record, although my husband and I are open about DD (meaning we don't go to great lengths to hide the fact it's a part of our marriage) I don't wave that red flag. So before any
Alright, now, to the story.
As some of you may have noticed, my blog got a mini-makeover this past weekend. I was getting a little tired of the boring plain pink layout, and I wanted something different. As a side note, the one I currently have up is a temporary one until I have time to write an HTML code on my own.
So, when I sat down last weekend to redo my blog, I really didn't have the time to spend 4+ hours (at least) writing the HTML code for it, and doing it myself let alone the hours it would take me to perfect it since I'm a major perfectionist. I just wanted something quick. So, I started browsing around sites of freelance blog designers and came across one I recognized because she had designed some non-DD blogs that I read.
I sent her an email inquiring on pricing for her to design me a quick blog layout. We emailed back and forth a few times (which you'll see in just a moment) but what I never expected was the end result. I thought the end result would be me paying a few hundred dollars and getting a cool new blog layout. It wasn't.
Below are the actual emails (completely 100% unaltered, other than editing out the name of her site). The emails I sent are in purple and the emails she sent are in green.
Hi Becky,
My name is Chelsea, and I found your website through several friends of mines blogs/websites that you have designed. I was wondering if you had some time in your schedule to code a blog layout for me. I'm not 100% sure what I want, but I'm open to ideas/suggestions. Just something summer-like
Anyway, I love your work. :-) So, if you could please get back with me on a quote for a layout, header, and sidebar title tags that would be awesome. Thank you so much and enjoy your holiday weekend!
-Chelsea
Hey Chelsea!!!!
Thanks for your email and kind words regarding my design services. I would love to put together a price quote for you. Do you have a budget in mind? Also, could you send me a link to your blog currently so I could see approx how many blog entries, photos, links/tags, etc. you have so I know how much time I would need to transfer everything over, how many sidebar tags you would need and what tabs you want coded? And also, is it hosted on Blogger or Word Press or another platform? I will put together a quote and a few samples you could browse through and let me know if theres anything you like!
Becky
Hi Becky,
I was actually thinking that if you didn't have enough time or if it would cut the cost down any, you don't have to worry about transferring all the entries, photos, etc. over. I can put the code live on the blog and do all that sort of stuff if you just want to code it for me. Whatevers easiest!
My blog is hosted on Blogger, although if you could make the code a general-use one that would be awesome. I am considering buying a domain name and creating my own site in the near future, but I'd like to still keep the blog part platformed with Blogger.
In terms of budget, I don't really have one but I was kind of wanting to keep it under $500 if possible. :-)
The link to my blog is http://www.knowingyourroles.blogspot.com
Let me know if you need anything else.
Chelsea
Chelsea,
Thanks for the link to your current blog. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to spend the time putting together a quote for you nevertheless be able to create a layout for you.
I looked at your blog and I was appalled. The thought of a man (let alone your husband and someone who is supposed to love, cherish, and protect you from many things especially violence) creating rules and then punishing you like you are some sort of child or animal is sick and my heart hurts for you that you allow this to go on, let alone glamorize it in a blog.
I have never heard of a concept like this but I have to say if my hubby ever put his hands on me, let alone when he was unhappy with me, we would have a big problem. What happens when you decide the fun and games are over and you want a husband, not a disciplinarian?
I don't know you but as a mother to a mother and a woman to a woman and a wife to a wife I urge you to seek help for your abusive marriage and please stop glamorizing it for others as if this is ok.
So no I won't be having anything to do with your blog other than placing it in a mental folder in my brain of the kind of wife I never want to become.
Please don't contact me again. I want nothing to do with someone who believes men and women aren't equal in a marriage and that a man honestly has the right to punish his wife. Lets face it, at the end of the day, I'm a respected, equal, wife to my husband and you are a doormat who doesn't who apparently doesn't mean much to anyone.
This is just sick. A part of my heart breaks for you while the other wants to shake and scream at you for believing this is ok.
Becky
So that was it. I did send her one final email just asking if she had anything else to say before I put it up. As of now, she hasn't responded, but if she does, I will edit this post with her response.
You know, when it's all said and done, it's not like this really impacts my life so much. I mean, it's not like a job offer that just went out the window because of DD, or a house, or a preschool for our son or anything that actually matters. I can code my own blog layout, or find someone else to do it for me. I had every single intention of paying several hundred dollars (or more) for someone to code me a blog layout. The fact she passed up the opportunity simply because she thinks I'm a doormat who doesn't mean much to anyone is kinda sad, hurtful, and if she wants to talk about the words appalling and sickening, we can slip this in that folder as well.
The amazing part is when she asked for my blog URL and I responded, I didn't have second thoughts once. It never, ever crossed my mind that "omigosh, it talks about DD, and now she'll know you get punished. So, be careful giving it out to strangers". Not once. I typed it into that email to her as if I was typing a link to Google.com or any other everyday website. I guess I was naive to the fact that anyone would care. I asked her to code me a layout. I didn't ask for her to visit my blog, read everything, then NOT code me a layout and instead respond with a 6 paragraph editorial.
So the moral of the story here is there are people that disagree with domestic discipline and I'm aware of that. What I was not aware of was how rude some people could be, or how discriminatory. So, lesson learned. Don't be so open about domestic discipline if you don't want to hear what the naysayers think. Got it.
The dilemma of "how open" or "how secretive/private" to be in a DD relationship seems to be a popular one and I don't want this type of thing to sway anyone to one side or the other. My point in posting this is simply to show that if discriminatory comments/emails/opinions can be given in such a low-key forum as this (a blog designer) then it can happen in much bigger ways too.
I'm not a big advocate on being extremely private on domestic discipline (but that's another entry, I guess). But at the same time, be careful who you tell because some people will apparently think you're worthless.
Lesson learned.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Happy Memorial Day!
Happy Memorial Day!!!!
I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me. -Lee Greenwood
And I won't forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me. -Lee Greenwood
We hope everyone is having a safe and great Memorial Day weekend. Please remember why we celebrate this day, and thank our amazing troops for giving us the freedom that we have.
God bless.
-Chelsea and family
Sunday, May 27, 2012
My First Maintenance Spanking
I feel like our lives are more hectic than ever lately, and I can't wait for them to calm down some. Between my husbands work schedule, tons of summer plans, starting to build our dream house, our son getting ready to turn 1, and more I'm TOTALLY ready for some upcoming vacations. We need to just relax...really bad. :-) In the midst of how crazy busy everything has been lately, my amazing husband wrote a post the other day on my blog for me. I let him pick the topic, and I have to say, he did an awesome job. Thank you so much babe! You can read his guest post here.
I know I wrote about it on my last post, but I really don't have the time to get in trouble right now. I guess that's one awesome thing about being so busy! It's been over a month since I've been in trouble (aside from one corner time issue). However, I can't say it's been over a month since I got spanked (unfortunately) because my husband decided, out of the blue (well, out of the blue to me at least, but I'm pretty sure he thought it through for awhile first) to begin maintenance spankings.
If you know us pretty well, you know that my husband and I really were never been maintenance spanking "fans" for lack of a better word. You can read about my husband and I's views on it here, and also learn about what maintenance spankings are if you are new to DD, and/or are unfamiliar with them.
This past week we were getting ready to go to bed when, out of nowhere, my husband said he wanted to talk about maintenance spankings. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. I guess his views on it were starting to change, yet mine were pretty firm in the fact that I did not like the idea. After all, I hadn't broken the rules in forever, so I didn't quite understand why I had to get spanked.
Thankfully, my husband is awesome, and communicated his reasons behind wanting to start them pretty clearly. However, despite the fact I actually agreed with his reasons, I didn't want to do maintenance. Really, I just wanted to go to bed and pretend I didn't hear him just say he really wanted to give them a shot.
However, one thing I've been struggling with lately (and, in the past too, a little bit) is control. I've never really liked having control, but for some reason lately I've wanted it. At least a little part of it. Instead of asking my husband to do something, I started telling him to do something. I guess the best word for that is "bossy" like my husband has began calling it, but that's the truth.
The good thing is that it just started (as in, within the past couple weeks) and it hasn't really became a problem yet which is something my husband and I agreed on. It isn't something that, thankfully, he felt needed to be addressed in the form of punishment. I guess he was giving me a chance to fix it before it escalated itself into a punishment situation. For that, I'm extremely grateful. :)
He decided a maintenance spanking would be a good idea to remind me of the rules so that, hopefully, I could continue my streak of no punishments (my goal is to make it a year. We'll see how well that goes, lol).
So, I got spanked. My first maintenance spanking ever. Luckily it was a lot lighter and faster than a punishment spanking. But I'd totally be lying if I said it didn't sting because it did. I definitely felt it, but it was the "right level" if that makes any sense. My husband found a really good balance between everything. I was pretty impressed (although I totallllllly didn't want to tell him that at the time because I was still wanting to feel like this was the worst idea in the world).
There are a lot of different types of maintenance spankings, and I think the most common ones are weekly maintenance or something along those lines. Thankfully my husband and I agreed those just aren't for us (although, who knows, maybe he'll change his mind on that later on down the road?). Some may refer to the kind we did as reminder spankings, but really, they are one in the same. It's a spanking less severe than a punishment spanking to hopefully prevent a series of behaviors from turning into punishment spankings, and/or to remind the person of the rules so they are hopefully less likely to break them. It's as simple as that. However, although the concept sounds simple on the surface, to be honest, it was really hard for me to grasp.
It may have been the surprise element of this idea the other night, but whatever it was, I didn't handle it very well. It took a day (at least) for me to actually see that this concept really did work. I was pretty close minded to the idea at first, and I admit that. However, now that's it has been a little time, I can see that it really did work. It gave me a little "refresher course" I guess you could say on everything and as much as I don't want to admit that I needed that, I did.
So, here we go with maintenance I guess! I have to say, it's way better than punishment spankings and if it helps to reduce the number of those then maybe I really can reach my goal of not getting spanked for a year! It kinda seems like a longshot right now, but hey, a girl can dream. :)
I know I wrote about it on my last post, but I really don't have the time to get in trouble right now. I guess that's one awesome thing about being so busy! It's been over a month since I've been in trouble (aside from one corner time issue). However, I can't say it's been over a month since I got spanked (unfortunately) because my husband decided, out of the blue (well, out of the blue to me at least, but I'm pretty sure he thought it through for awhile first) to begin maintenance spankings.
If you know us pretty well, you know that my husband and I really were never been maintenance spanking "fans" for lack of a better word. You can read about my husband and I's views on it here, and also learn about what maintenance spankings are if you are new to DD, and/or are unfamiliar with them.
This past week we were getting ready to go to bed when, out of nowhere, my husband said he wanted to talk about maintenance spankings. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. I guess his views on it were starting to change, yet mine were pretty firm in the fact that I did not like the idea. After all, I hadn't broken the rules in forever, so I didn't quite understand why I had to get spanked.
Thankfully, my husband is awesome, and communicated his reasons behind wanting to start them pretty clearly. However, despite the fact I actually agreed with his reasons, I didn't want to do maintenance. Really, I just wanted to go to bed and pretend I didn't hear him just say he really wanted to give them a shot.
However, one thing I've been struggling with lately (and, in the past too, a little bit) is control. I've never really liked having control, but for some reason lately I've wanted it. At least a little part of it. Instead of asking my husband to do something, I started telling him to do something. I guess the best word for that is "bossy" like my husband has began calling it, but that's the truth.
The good thing is that it just started (as in, within the past couple weeks) and it hasn't really became a problem yet which is something my husband and I agreed on. It isn't something that, thankfully, he felt needed to be addressed in the form of punishment. I guess he was giving me a chance to fix it before it escalated itself into a punishment situation. For that, I'm extremely grateful. :)
He decided a maintenance spanking would be a good idea to remind me of the rules so that, hopefully, I could continue my streak of no punishments (my goal is to make it a year. We'll see how well that goes, lol).
So, I got spanked. My first maintenance spanking ever. Luckily it was a lot lighter and faster than a punishment spanking. But I'd totally be lying if I said it didn't sting because it did. I definitely felt it, but it was the "right level" if that makes any sense. My husband found a really good balance between everything. I was pretty impressed (although I totallllllly didn't want to tell him that at the time because I was still wanting to feel like this was the worst idea in the world).
There are a lot of different types of maintenance spankings, and I think the most common ones are weekly maintenance or something along those lines. Thankfully my husband and I agreed those just aren't for us (although, who knows, maybe he'll change his mind on that later on down the road?). Some may refer to the kind we did as reminder spankings, but really, they are one in the same. It's a spanking less severe than a punishment spanking to hopefully prevent a series of behaviors from turning into punishment spankings, and/or to remind the person of the rules so they are hopefully less likely to break them. It's as simple as that. However, although the concept sounds simple on the surface, to be honest, it was really hard for me to grasp.
It may have been the surprise element of this idea the other night, but whatever it was, I didn't handle it very well. It took a day (at least) for me to actually see that this concept really did work. I was pretty close minded to the idea at first, and I admit that. However, now that's it has been a little time, I can see that it really did work. It gave me a little "refresher course" I guess you could say on everything and as much as I don't want to admit that I needed that, I did.
So, here we go with maintenance I guess! I have to say, it's way better than punishment spankings and if it helps to reduce the number of those then maybe I really can reach my goal of not getting spanked for a year! It kinda seems like a longshot right now, but hey, a girl can dream. :)
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