My First Maintenance Spanking

I feel like our lives are more hectic than ever lately, and I can't wait for them to calm down some. Between my husbands work schedule, tons of summer plans, starting to build our dream house, our son getting ready to turn 1, and more I'm TOTALLY ready for some upcoming vacations. We need to just relax...really bad. :-) In the midst of how crazy busy everything has been lately, my amazing husband wrote a post the other day on my blog for me. I let him pick the topic, and I have to say, he did an awesome job. Thank you so much babe! You can read his guest post here.


I know I wrote about it on my last post, but I really don't have the time to get in trouble right now. I guess that's one awesome thing about being so busy! It's been over a month since I've been in trouble (aside from one corner time issue). However, I can't say it's been over a month since I got spanked (unfortunately) because my husband decided, out of the blue (well, out of the blue to me at least, but I'm pretty sure he thought it through for awhile first) to begin maintenance spankings.


If you know us pretty well, you know that my husband and I really were never been maintenance spanking "fans" for lack of a better word. You can read about my husband and I's views on it here, and also learn about what maintenance spankings are if you are new to DD, and/or are unfamiliar with them.  


This past week we were getting ready to go to bed when, out of nowhere, my husband said he wanted to talk about maintenance spankings. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. I guess his views on it were starting to change, yet mine were pretty firm in the fact that I did not like the idea. After all, I hadn't broken the rules in forever, so I didn't quite understand why I had to get spanked.


Thankfully, my husband is awesome, and communicated his reasons behind wanting to start them pretty clearly. However, despite the fact I actually agreed with his reasons, I didn't want to do maintenance. Really, I just wanted to go to bed and pretend I didn't hear him just say he really wanted to give them a shot.


However, one thing I've been struggling with lately (and, in the past too, a little bit) is control. I've never really liked having control, but for some reason lately I've wanted it. At least a little part of it. Instead of asking my husband to do something, I started telling him to do something. I guess the best word for that is "bossy" like my husband has began calling it, but that's the truth. 


The good thing is that it just started (as in, within the past couple weeks) and it hasn't really became a problem yet which is something my husband and I agreed on. It isn't something that, thankfully, he felt needed to be addressed in the form of punishment. I guess he was giving me a chance to fix it before it escalated itself into a punishment situation. For that, I'm extremely grateful. :)


He decided a maintenance spanking would be a good idea to remind me of the rules so that, hopefully, I could continue my streak of no punishments (my goal is to make it a year. We'll see how well that goes, lol). 


So, I got spanked. My first maintenance spanking ever. Luckily it was a lot lighter and faster than a punishment spanking. But I'd totally be lying if I said it didn't sting because it did. I definitely felt it, but it was the "right level" if that makes any sense. My husband found a really good balance between everything. I was pretty impressed (although I totallllllly didn't want to tell him that at the time because I was still wanting to feel like this was the worst idea in the world).


There are a lot of different types of maintenance spankings, and I think the most common ones are weekly maintenance or something along those lines. Thankfully my husband and I agreed those just aren't for us (although, who knows, maybe he'll change his mind on that later on down the road?). Some may refer to the kind we did as reminder spankings, but really, they are one in the same. It's a spanking less severe than a punishment spanking to hopefully prevent a series of behaviors from turning into punishment spankings, and/or to remind the person of the rules so they are hopefully less likely to break them. It's as simple as that. However, although the concept sounds simple on the surface, to be honest, it was really hard for me to grasp.


It may have been the surprise element of this idea the other night, but whatever it was, I didn't handle it very well. It took a day (at least) for me to actually see that this concept really did work. I was pretty close minded to the idea at first, and I admit that. However, now that's it has been a little time, I can see that it really did work. It gave me a little "refresher course" I guess you could say on everything and as much as I don't want to admit that I needed that, I did.


So, here we go with maintenance I guess! I have to say, it's way better than punishment spankings and if it helps to reduce the number of those then maybe I really can reach my goal of not getting spanked for a year! It kinda seems like a longshot right now, but hey, a girl can dream. :)

Giving Up Control to Gain Power

First, before I begin telling you about my awesome experiment that went horribly wrong, I should let everyone know that my laptop decided to crash a few days ago. So, between my husbands breaking last week and mine crashing the other day, we're pretty much screwed. Thankfully, his was still under warranty so he gets a new one. I, however, wasn't so lucky. And since getting me a new laptop really isn't high on anyones priority list right now, it'll probably be a long time before I get one. So, I've had to resort to blogging from my iPhone. I got this sweet blogging app for it, but still, I'm not sure how the formatting and all that will turn out, so bare with me. :)

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine got into an interesting discussion regarding control within a DD marriage. Prior to that conversation, I never really thought about it before. I don't really like the word control, because I think people often associate that with a controlling and possesive husband which often leads to them thinking abuse. But control is one of those things within a DD marriage that's actually really important that it function correctly, as I recently found out.

So, my friend essentially began telling me that she felt like her husband wasn't stepping up enough when it came to DD, and specifically punishing. She felt like she had to make all the decisions, even down to what punishment she thought was appropriate and she didn't like it. In a roundabout way, she felt her husband had given up all the control.

I, on the other hand, didn't have that problem. I never get to pick my punishments, and so when I heard that she did, little lightbulbs went off in my head. I talked to another friend about it who agreed- if we could essentially control our fate every time we broke the rules, that would be kind of cool! And thus, the great "what would happen if WE had control" experiment was born.

My friend and I recruited about 4 of our other friends who practiced DD and agreed to trying out this experiment with us. Our goal was not to intentionally get in trouble (Ever) but IF we did get in trouble for something over the course of our 30-day experiment, we would try to control (or essentially choose and leave no choice to our husbands, lol) how we got punished.

The problem with this, as some
of us soon discovered, was once one of our husbands decided to spank, we couldn't really do much. So we decided to change our experiment to not control the punishment but essentially the details of it (how many times, etc). The point was basically to see how many of our husbands would just freely relinquish the control. However, this didn't go as planned.

A week or so into our experiment, I got spanked for something (honestly, I can't remember what). About mid-way through the spanking, I'd decided I had enough and decided to just stand up and essentially stop the spanking. That didn't go so well. I pretty much always cooperate with whatever punishment he decides, so to just flat out stop cooperating like that I think really shocked him.

The way I handled that punishment essentially caused me to be punished again. You would have thought I learned that my control idea sucked by now, but I didn't. Actually, I think with every punishment I received last week as a result of him "cracking down on the rules" sent me deeper into my "need to control" mode.

The truth is, I don't really like having the control. I like having the power to make my own decisions but having control AND power isn't good for anyones marriage, including mine. Therefore, I've learned that I need to give up the control in order to gain power. When we first started DD I entrusted my husband to have "control" over the DD portion of our marriage. Obviously there are some behavioral things I need his help with to make me a better wife (and person) so for me to ask for his help (verbally or non verbally) then take that control of how he helps away from him doesn't make any sense, and is wrong.

My goal is to get back to that mindset where I have the power, he has the control. I have the power to choose the decisions I make and if they turn out badly, he then has the control to decide how he fixes them.

Last week sucked and I pretty much dont want a repeat of that. My control experiment was a nightmare and something I totally don't recommend any of you try. It's going to take some time (but hopefully not too long) for me to get back to where I was before I started this awful idea, but I'm hoping I can do so soon because being in trouble is no fun.

-Chelsea



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