Learning Domestic Discipline's Weekly Recap: April 22nd - 28th (Plus, the retreat site has LAUNCHED!)

  We wrapped up the last week of April 2013 with some great new content here at Learning Domestic Discipline.  Mailbag Monday had a mix of fun and thought-provoking questions, and we had another terrific guest post in this week's edition of Saturday Stories.  Take a look!

Mailbag Monday: Week 4 - Working domestic discipline around children, insight to the "exciting" side of spanking, and the animals Clint and Chelsea would be (and why) if they had a choice in this week's edition of Mailbag Monday.

Blended Spankings - A step-by-step outline of a highly effective way in which to conduct a spanking for experienced domestic discipline couples to consider. 

Saturday Stories: Domestic Discipline While Pregnant - Our guest writers J & L discuss the challenges of practicing domestic discipline during their recent pregnancy in this week's Saturday Stories article.

• We launched the LDD Retreat site!  There are six incredible destinations to choose from.  Where do YOU want to go?  Stop on by and cast your vote!
• In 5 days the May LDD Newsletter will be sent out!  Are you on the mailing list?  If not, you can sign up here for free. We only send you one email per month (the newsletter)! 
• The LDD Springtime Promos offer TWO new domestic discipline products!  Come see what's new! (The promos run until June 1st, 2013)

Have a great upcoming week! 

Life is a Whirlwind- An Update on Me

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Coming Out About DD At Playgroup

As many of you know, I'm a mother (seriously whenever I type, or say that, I get instantly happy). Our son is 14 months old and I'm not even kidding when I say that he is the most amazing person, in addition to my husband. I could go on and on about him, but I will save you guys all the "can she be done talking about her son now?" statements and get to the point of this.

Back when I was pregnant with our son I knew I wanted to find a playgroup not only for him, but for me to make "mommy friends", especially those with kids around the same age as our son. When we moved out to the east coast (when our son was just a few months old) that need became even more important. So, I searched around and found a playgroup that meets once a week and all the kids are really close to his age (only a few months difference, max). The moms are pretty cool too, and it's been a great way for me to make friends.

Back in Utah almost all our friends knew about DD, or practiced it themselves. When we moved out east, we had to make all new friends and since we've done that, very few know about DD. Not because we're necessarily shy about it (well, ok, maybe we I am a little bit) but because it isn't really a topic that ever comes up or the window of opportunity just isn't there. That is, until playgroup last week.

I was finally feeling up to going to playgroup. Since my recent hospitalization, and surgeries, I have been trying to ease back into our normal lives. I was excited to go to playgroup, and so was our son. So, we went. It was great to see all our friends again. While our son and his playgroup friends were running around digging up plastic dinosaur bones at the new dinosaur exhibit at a nearby children's museum, the moms and I sat around talking about random things, one of those being marriage.

The opportunity was definitely there. One of the moms was struggling a little with an incident in her marriage. Another was suggesting the perfect solution was to just "go to the bar with the other girls tonight, forget your husband for a few hours and just let loose". They then invited me to that not so fun event. Politely, I declined. The "what? why?" statements came flying. Sure, I could have used the "I really don't feel good, just got out of the hospital" excuse. But I decided to use this opportunity to "come out" to a group of 8 women who I've gotten to know over the past few months about domestic discipline.

Was I nervous? Totally. Was my heart beating 1,000 times a minute? Probably. But do I believe it was the right thing to do? Absolutely.

I started by just saying "honestly, I don't feel comfortable going to bars without my husband." Which, by the way, is totally true. Then, the conversation grew, and grew, and eventually we got on the topic of why it's a "guideline" that I "don't drink without my husband present". Since I literally only drink maybe once a year anyway this is more of just a respect thing that my husband and I have and not necessarily a rule, but nonetheless I told them about it.

I'll save ya'll the long, drawn out, conversational details, but let's just say that after 20-30 minutes I had a group of 8 women stunned. They'd never heard of domestic discipline before. They were shocked and blown away. But, as one of them put it "so now we know why Chelsea has such an awesome marriage". 

DD isn't the only reason I have a great marriage. But does it play a part? Absolutely. And I was happy others could see that. But then, once the initial shock wore off came the slew of questions. And, by slew, I mean like dozens upon dozens. Everything under the sun. The most common question was "Oh, is this like 50 Shades of Grey!?" Yeah. No. 

This playgroup had suddenly turned from a 1 hour social gathering into a almost 3 hour question and answer session. My nerves eased away once everyone "backed off" a little bit, but I felt like my heart was still racing by time it was over. 

I walked away from that playgroup feeling so relieved. I was still a little shocked, like "I can't even believe I just did that" feeling, but I was relieved that now, for future playgroups, I didn't have to hide anything. Sure, I might be the "talk of the playgroup" for like the next year (and I hate excessive amounts of attention, so trust me, that's really going to suck) but it will be worth it.  

Within the week or so following playgroup I feel like my phone was blowing up with text messages. More questions, texts like "I actually talked this over with my husband" and even some people agreeing to try it! I was stunned. Happy, but stunned. 

Playgroup in the future sure will be interesting. But, I'm well on the road to having all our friends here in our new state know about DD, just like in our previous state. :-)

To all my playgroup mommy friends who I'm sure will be reading this: thanks for your support, for your understanding, and to those of you who are giving it a try, know you have a whole DD community to back you up, support you, encourage you, and cheer you on. 

-Chelsea

The Spanking Implements Guide: Part 1

Before my husband and I started domestic discipline I used to think that things such as wooden spoons really wouldn't hurt if someone struck you with it. Well, actually, before I started domestic discipline I didn't even think people would use something like a wooden spoon to spank someone with. Those are for cooking. Same with paddles- I always thought of them as things that decorated the walls of fraternities. I thought belts were used as clothing accessories, canes were used for walking, hairbrushes were used for making your hair look good, rulers were for measuring things, slippers were to wear on your feet, and the list continues.

And then we started domestic discipline. All the sudden a wooden spoon has a whole new meaning. I actually don't even know if we have any in our kitchen anymore. Same with the paddle. When someone references a paddle, I automatically think crap, those hurt! not yeah that reminds me of college Greek Life days. It's amazing how common household objects have a whole new meaning when you are in a DD marriage.

Spanking implements are a pretty important part of DD to a lot of people. The dilemma of which to use, where to buy them, which hurts worse, and much more is pretty frequently discussed. This guide is going to have 2 parts. The first part (below) is going to be an overview of the most common (and some uncommon) spanking implements, and a "pain rating scale". Part 2 will have frequently asked questions regarding implements, how to select which to spank with, where to find/buy spanking implements, and more. Hopefully this helps answer a lot of peoples questions, and gives you some new resources. :-)

I apologize in advance for the length of this (hey, at least I broke it into 2 parts!). I was actually going to make this into a short eBook, but decided against it (you're welcome). Enjoy, everyone! Also, if anyone wants a printable (.pdf or .doc) version, more information, the "shortened"/condensed version, etc. feel free to email.

The Spanking Implements Guide: Part 1

First, let me just say that the topic of implements is one that a lot of "DD wives" absolutely hate, and I get that. Trust me, I hate being spanked - let alone with something like a paddle. Just the thought of that sucks, let alone actually having it happen. So, needless to say, I understand why the topic of spanking implements can be one a lot of people don't even want to think about. The bottom line though is they are not as scary as you might think. In fact, some days I'd rather be spanked with something like a wooden spoon (or something else that's light) as opposed to my husbands hand because being spanked with someones hand (especially if your husband is strong..) isn't as pain-free as some may think. The point I'm trying to make is some implements are definitely "scary" for lack of a better word. But, it isn't a topic that is as scary as you might think. Some are really mild, and some aren't, but you'll find what works best for you and your marriage/situation.

NOTE: Some of the links within this entry reference some pretty questionable websites where implements are sold. The link on my blog should link directly to the page with the implement I'm referring to. Anything else that you may choose to find while browsing around the site, most likely, does not reflect on my personal views on what is/is not ok within DD. 

What do I get spanked with?

I get this question on, what seems like, a daily basis. "Chelsea, what spanking implements does your husband use?". Well, you're about to find out. I actually might update this later with pictures of the actual implements but at the moment I'm being way too lazy to go find them, take pictures, upload them, etc. So, the images below are taken from the site where he purchased them, with the exception of some. (like the hand, wooden spoon, etc)

Each DD marriage is different, and no two people practice the same. In our DD marriage, my husband often time uses a combination of implements. For example- his hand for the warmup, then the paddle and belt for the spanking. That's just an example, and it isn't like that in every case, but you see what I mean.

Hand

My husband uses his hand for things like maintenance spankings, warm ups, or "swats". I can't remember the last time I got spanked solely with his hand though (other than swats). Sometime I miss those days! 

Wooden Spoon 

I think the one we have came from Target, but I honestly can't remember. Regardless, above is what it looks like - except I drew all over ours, and it's kinda half broken (why don't you all ask my husband how that happened. Come on, go for it!). But, at one point in time, that's what it looked like.

My husband uses the wooden spoon for warm ups (pretty much every time) or reminder spankings. Sometimes it's used for minor offenses too.

Wooden Paddle

This is the most common implement he uses, by far. It's used for "regular spankings", minor ones (a few swats) sometimes, and pretty much every time I get spanked (that isn't maintenance, swats, or reminders) it's involved to some degree. I guess that would be why I hate it.

Here is the paddle we have. We've had it for awhile now, and trust me, it definitely makes me think twice about breaking any rules.

Strap

 

In our house, the strap is usually used in conjunction with the paddle (he splits the number of strikes). I've always considered it more of an intermediate or advanced level spanking implement though, simply because it's a lot harder to control than something like a paddle, and the sting is pretty intense (although, in my opinion, it's really short). I don't get the strap that often, actually, but when I do it definitely stings.

 Hairbrush

 I used to get spanked with the hairbrush a lot....and then my husband discovered the ever-so-wonderful (not) paddle and now my days of being spanked with the hairbrush are gone (kinda a bittersweet feeling, because although it sucks, I definitely think it's better than the paddle!).

Anyway, above is the exact hairbrush I have. It's made by Aveda, and you can buy it here. Ironically, it's called a paddle brush. But, let me tell you, if you're a girl, you must own one of these. Just don't let your husband see it. :-) It's the best hairbrush in the world- it makes your hair so shiny and soft. But, it can also really sting if your husband gets a hold of it- just a warning.

Cane

The number of times it's crossed my mind to throw this dumb thing away is a lot. However, I've decided against it, but still, the cane sucks. Thankfully, I only have been spanked with the cane during severe offenses, so it isn't very often.

The cane we have is more of like a wooden stick thing (like you see above). But, it packs quite the sting. My husband bought it at the same place he bought our paddle, and you can see it here.

So, there you have it. That's pretty much everything I get spanked with. Some are pretty intense, but they are definitely behavior changers, let's just put it that way. Now that we've got that fun trip into our "implement box" out of the way, onto the rest of the guide..

The Most Common Spanking Implements 

Like I said before, everyone does DD differently, and everyone spanks with different implements. However, below are the most common spanking implements. 

The opinions in this section are mine, for the ones I've been spanked with (which are basically the implements included in the section above) and I consulted other people who I know have been spanked with the rest, in order to get their take on them. Since not everyone feels the same thing, or the same way, you can take these opinions with a grain of salt, if you want, but I just thought they would help everyone. :-)

Hand

I think every single DD wife has been spanked with her husband's hand at some point, right? It's by far the most common. The best part about it, for the spanker, is that it's always there. So, it makes it easy to do things like swats, reminder spankings, etc. 

In general, hand spankings are the least severe out of everything. When you start adding implements in is when the pain increases some, so hand spankings are the most mild, in most cases. Also, hand spankings tend to leave the sting of the spank just on the surface of the skin, meaning the chances of getting any sort of damage from a hand spanking (i.e.- welts, bruises, extreme soreness, etc.) is very minimal. 

For beginners and those new to DD, hand spankings are probably the best route to go at first (in my opinion). It's good to establish a "spanking foundation" so to speak, so you don't want to just jump right in and begin using implements. Thus, the hand is the best to start with. But, for those who consider themselves to be out of the "beginner phase" of DD, spanking with the hand I probably wouldn't recommend for every single spankable offense only because there needs to be a severity line/scale created somewhere. 

Wooden Spoon

I heard somewhere once (and I wish I could remember where, so I could cite it) that the concept of being spanked by a wooden spoon originated back in like the 1950's when men would use the wooden cooking spoon to spank their wives there in the kitchen for not having dinner ready on time.

Now, obviously, that's not something I'd recommend and I think that sounds a tad ridiculous. But, at the same time, it makes a couple points. The first is that it's a popular implement, and has been around forever. The second is that it's a very "on the spot" type implement, much like using your hand. It can be used wherever (to an extent) and is something you probably have in 1 or 2 rooms of your house already so if the "need arises" it's readily available to most. A lot of people tend to favor it because it's very easy to find (you don't have to go to a specific spanking implement store to purchase one), and is probably something you already have around your house.

The wooden spoon is really lightweight, and the sting of it is pretty powerful. However, the sting only lasts for a few seconds, because it stays right on the surface. Like your hand, it's unlikely to cause any damage or long-term harm.

The wooden spoon is another implement that is ideal for beginners or those wishing to begin introducing implements. However, a lot of people (including us) transition into using the wooden spoon as a warm-up type implement as they progress further into domestic discipline. 

Hairbrush

 

Hairbrushes are another common spanking implement because, like wooden spoons, they're found in almost every household already. However, they're definitely a little more severe (in my opinion) than a wooden spoon because they're more dense. 

Hairbrushes, unlike some of the lighter implements, don't keep the sting on the surface. Therefore, some bruising or pain that lasts longer than you may expect could occur, depending on the number of strikes and severity. The other thing to be careful about with hairbrushes is they can crack easily. I'd recommend using a wooden one, over a plastic one, for that reason.

Belt

 

Belts are another commonly used spanking implement because just about everyone owns one. I think a lot of people also like belts because they're good "warning tools".  I've heard of several HoH's warning their wives to behave, while out in public or in a non-private situation, by tapping their belts. It may sound odd to some, but I hear that a lot. 

Belts are very similar to straps, except belts are more common I think, simply because more people have them. They're also a pretty traditional spanking implement. However, with belts you need to be careful because they can be very difficult to control. Also, belts can leave welts, if not used properly or if used too many times. It's extremely important that, if you decide to use a belt, you "double it over" so that it doesn't wrap around and cause damage to the sides, or front of the body on accident.  The pain from a belt seems pretty similar to a strap in that the pain stays primarily on the surface and produces a pretty sharp stinging sensation in the beginning, but fades pretty fast. 

I'd recommend belts for more advanced DD couples simply because they are a lot harder to control, and they're also more severe implement as opposed to something like a wooden spoon. 

Wooden Paddle

 

Wooden paddles are another extremely common spanking implement, especially in America. They're commonly featured in DD blog entries, videos, websites, stories, and more. It's almost like the "traditional spanking implement" it seems.

 

People seem to like wooden paddles for a variety of different reasons. I asked my husband why he uses one and he said "it's associated with spanking more, and it seems to be the most effective." (and he's right, but that's beside the point) I've also heard people say they often spank with a wooden paddle because they're easy to make (if you know woodworking), and they can be altered quite a bit (you can add writing to them, put holes in them for extra sting, etc.). 

Wooden paddles are very dense (just like they look), so it's important to understand, especially if you have never used one before, that they need to be used with caution in order to prevent bruising. Unlike some other implements, wooden paddles also leave a sting a lot longer than you would expect. After a spanking, it feels like your bottom is on fire, and the burning sensation fades (eventually) to a really sore feeling- sometimes it feels like you're bruised, when you actually aren't. So, the pain with a paddling is definitely a little more intense, but at the same time, it's also very effective (on lots of people, not just me).

Cane

I included the cane because I know in the UK they are very common implements. Just as a warning up front: canes are severe implements.  Not like so severe that you can't tolerate it after 1 strike, or anything like that (at least you should be able to tolerate it if done correctly) but canes are definitely not meant to be used by beginners, or for every-day type offenses (in my opinion). Canes are typically reserved for the most severe offenses, repeated offenses, or I've heard of some couples using them only for dangerous offenses. However you choose to use the cane within your marriage is obviously up to you, but there's your warning- they aren't beginner level implements, despite the fact they look lightweight.

 

The other thing to know about canes is that they leave marks. Even one strike can leave a welt, although they usually fade pretty fast (especially if swung lightly). The bottom line though- canes are effective, but severe. So, use with caution. 

Uncommon Spanking Implements

Paint Stirrer

Paint stirrers are a lot like the wooden spoon. Good for beginners, sting fades rather quickly and they're lightweight. However, probably the best part about the paint stirrer is that they're free at almost any home improvement store.

Rubber Paddle

 

Rubber paddles are known to produce a more intense sting as opposed to a wooden paddle. However, most people say that instead of feeling the burning sensation after a spanking, like you would with a wooden paddle, the sensation is more of a tingling feeling, then turns into sore pain (similar to a wooden paddle). The rubber paddles are known to be more severe than wooden paddles, but are nice because the risk of bruising with one greatly decreases. 

I would recommend rubber paddles to anyone who considers themselves to be out of the "beginner DD" phase, due to the fact that I've heard it's more severe than a wooden paddle.

Loopy Johnny

 

These may be more common than I thought they were, since a lot of people often ask my husband and I about them. However, the general consensus from those I poled was "stick it under uncommon implements since they're hard to find, and not everyone has heard of them" so that's what I did. 

I've never been spanked with a loopy johnny. However, I've heard that it acts very similar to a cane. It's some peoples "implement of choice" (despite the fact that it's a lot more severe than some implements) because it's extremely quiet. So, for those who need a quiet spanking implement, this might be one to consider because most people say that it makes virtually no noise.

But, like the cane, I would strongly recommend this only be used by people who would consider themselves to be at an advanced domestic discipline level.

Ping Pong Paddle

 
Yet another paddle variation, except this one is much more easy to find. If you aren't into purchasing implements from designated spanking retailers, but still want to spank with a paddle, this might be for you. Although the ping pong paddle is a lot lighter than a wooden spanking paddle, and the pain afterwards is much less, the ping pong paddle is still a spanking implement that could be used by DD couples of all skill types.

As I'm sure you know, ping pong paddles are coated with a soft foam type padding with a light rubber coating. Therefore, the force of the spanking may need to be harder than what you would choose to use with another type of paddle because, in many aspects, the ping pong paddle is the lesser severe of the paddle types on the market.

Bath Brush

 

 The bath brush is basically a cross between a hairbrush and a paddle. It's a lot heavier than a traditional hairbrush, but a lot lighter than a traditional paddle, which makes it the "perfect combination" for a lot of people. 

Bath brushes, from what I've heard, are a lot more intense than a hairbrush spanking. I've even read some people call them "the worst implement ever!" but honestly, I don't know how accurate that is. Someone else may need to weigh in. But, what I do know is that bath brushes are easy to find, relatively inexpensive, and are good for a person looking for a cross between 2 very popular spanking implements: a paddle and a hairbrush.

Other Spanking Implements:

• Switch
• Wooden paddle with  holes
• Lexan paddle
• Flyswatter
• Slipper
• Spatula
• Ruler
• Strap
• Tawse
• Birch
• Riding crop
• Strap
• Cutting board
• Leather paddle
• Tilt wand

Pain Scales

It may go without saying that everyone can tolerate pain differently. So, for this exercise, I gave the following list of spanking implements to 10 different people, all with different pain tolerances (some who have very high pain tolerances, and some with very low pain tolerances). Then, I took the averages of those numbers, and created the following pain scale. The implements were ranked on a 1-10 scale based on the following criteria: how intense the sting was during the spanking, how intense the sting/pain was after the spanking, how much they feared the implement, and how effective it was in terms of behaviors being modified due to pain from the spanking. 10 is the worst/hardest/most severe and a 1 is the lightest/easiest to deal with. Also, these are based on an average spanking of 20-30 swats at 3/4 strength. I didn't do all of the spanking implements, only some. So, if there's a specific one you'd like to see, let me know.

Wooden paddle: 7.5

Wooden hairbrush: 5.5

Cane: 9

Wooden spoon: 4

Bath brush: 7.5

Belt: 6

Hand: 2

Switch: 7

Loopy Johnny: 8.5

Wooden paddle with holes: 8.5

Stay tuned for the Spanking Implements Guide Part 2 coming soon!  

 

 

The Worst Spanking Ever

So, remember how I was planning on going a year without punishment? Well, that didn't happen. My no-punishment streak and awesome rule following skills were destroyed all because I didn't think. Honestly, I think just about every rule I break or mistake that I make is caused by one thing - not thinking before I act. I really need to get better at that.

I wouldn't say that I have a lot of rules. They're all the pretty standard ones, and nothing too out of the ordinary. They're all rules that I think just about every marriage has, in some form - be respectful, be honest, listen, stuff like that. Above all else though is the "don't do anything dangerous" rule.

When you break that rule twice in one week would anyone like to take a guess the enormous amount of trouble that a person would be in? Because that's precisely what happened.

I'm very anti-texting while driving. But, my husband is even more anti texting while driving and I understand why. It's dangerous, and honestly, after reading the stats on it (which I should have done before I did such a stupid thing!) I'm shocked that the entire world hasn't made it illegal yet.

Last week, on two separate occasions (back to back days) I sent a text message while driving. While this might not sound like a big deal, it was. Not that it's ok to text while driving anywhere, anytime, but it's definitely worse to do so on the freeway, in traffic. Bottom line- bad idea.

My husband didn't find out until after both texting while driving incidents happened, and needless to say, he wasn't happy (although he was still more calm than I expected). In fact, I actually titled this blog entry before the punishments even happened because I knew it would be bad.

To cut to the chase, I got in a lot of trouble. Texting while driving once is bad enough, but twice is even worse.

If I break a spankable rule but my husband can't do the spanking like normal for whatever the reason is, we do shorter ones each night that sort of reminds me that I'm still in trouble for the offense. By short, I'm talking short reminders that sting but thankfully the sting doesn't last longer than 20 minutes or so. So, in this situation, I got "nightly reminder spankings" (that's the term I've kind of coined for them, but there may be a better name or an official term out there, I don't know) for a few nights before I actually got punished just due to the circumstances of our week (we had a lot going on, and were extremely busy). Needless to say, these nighty reminder spankings made the punishment worse because it's like a constant reminder that you're still in trouble (and big trouble at that!) which I guess is the point. But still, it sucked.

I ended this "punishment week" as I call it with 2 spankings- 1 for each texting while driving offense, and several nightly reminder spankings. All in all, I got spanked every night last week for one thing or another (texting while driving, or nightly reminders). I'm telling you guys/girls- worst. spanking. ever.

Did it suck? That's an understatement. Was it worth it? Absolutely no way on this earth. Did I learn from it? Yes x 1,000,000. Am I glad it's over? Ya'll have no idea.

So, if anyone out there does text while driving (while you're in a DD relationship or not, since I know lots of people from "both sides of the fence" read my blog) please don't. Seriously, just think about this.

• Answering a text message takes away your attention from the road for approximately 5 seconds. That is enough time for your car to travel an entire football field. (Click here for source)
• Texting while driving increases your chance of causing a car accident, or getting in a car accident, by 23 times what your risk would be if you were not texting while driving. (Click here for source)
• For every 6 seconds of drive time, a person texting while driving spends approximately 4.6 of those seconds with their eyes off the road. (Click here for source)
• Texting while driving or being distracted by your cell phone causes a drivers reaction to be the same as if you had a blood alcohol level of .08% (aka- enough for a DUI) (Click here for source)

There are literally thousands of more statistics that are even more shocking, but you get the point. 

There's also this video, which is extremely powerful. If you text while driving, seriously, I'm begging you to stop. It's not fair to you, your family, your friends, your children, your spouse, or anyone else on the road.

Just remember this..

The spanking may have been hard, the lecture may have been long, the decision may have been stupid (really stupid)..but it was, hands down, better than the alternative. 

So, now I'm restarting my "one year of no punishment!" streak. Everyone wish me luck. :-) I'm totally determined to do this. 

Everyone have an amazing week, and remember, don't text while driving!

My First Maintenance Spanking

I feel like our lives are more hectic than ever lately, and I can't wait for them to calm down some. Between my husbands work schedule, tons of summer plans, starting to build our dream house, our son getting ready to turn 1, and more I'm TOTALLY ready for some upcoming vacations. We need to just relax...really bad. :-) In the midst of how crazy busy everything has been lately, my amazing husband wrote a post the other day on my blog for me. I let him pick the topic, and I have to say, he did an awesome job. Thank you so much babe! You can read his guest post here.


I know I wrote about it on my last post, but I really don't have the time to get in trouble right now. I guess that's one awesome thing about being so busy! It's been over a month since I've been in trouble (aside from one corner time issue). However, I can't say it's been over a month since I got spanked (unfortunately) because my husband decided, out of the blue (well, out of the blue to me at least, but I'm pretty sure he thought it through for awhile first) to begin maintenance spankings.


If you know us pretty well, you know that my husband and I really were never been maintenance spanking "fans" for lack of a better word. You can read about my husband and I's views on it here, and also learn about what maintenance spankings are if you are new to DD, and/or are unfamiliar with them.  


This past week we were getting ready to go to bed when, out of nowhere, my husband said he wanted to talk about maintenance spankings. Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled. I guess his views on it were starting to change, yet mine were pretty firm in the fact that I did not like the idea. After all, I hadn't broken the rules in forever, so I didn't quite understand why I had to get spanked.


Thankfully, my husband is awesome, and communicated his reasons behind wanting to start them pretty clearly. However, despite the fact I actually agreed with his reasons, I didn't want to do maintenance. Really, I just wanted to go to bed and pretend I didn't hear him just say he really wanted to give them a shot.


However, one thing I've been struggling with lately (and, in the past too, a little bit) is control. I've never really liked having control, but for some reason lately I've wanted it. At least a little part of it. Instead of asking my husband to do something, I started telling him to do something. I guess the best word for that is "bossy" like my husband has began calling it, but that's the truth. 


The good thing is that it just started (as in, within the past couple weeks) and it hasn't really became a problem yet which is something my husband and I agreed on. It isn't something that, thankfully, he felt needed to be addressed in the form of punishment. I guess he was giving me a chance to fix it before it escalated itself into a punishment situation. For that, I'm extremely grateful. :)


He decided a maintenance spanking would be a good idea to remind me of the rules so that, hopefully, I could continue my streak of no punishments (my goal is to make it a year. We'll see how well that goes, lol). 


So, I got spanked. My first maintenance spanking ever. Luckily it was a lot lighter and faster than a punishment spanking. But I'd totally be lying if I said it didn't sting because it did. I definitely felt it, but it was the "right level" if that makes any sense. My husband found a really good balance between everything. I was pretty impressed (although I totallllllly didn't want to tell him that at the time because I was still wanting to feel like this was the worst idea in the world).


There are a lot of different types of maintenance spankings, and I think the most common ones are weekly maintenance or something along those lines. Thankfully my husband and I agreed those just aren't for us (although, who knows, maybe he'll change his mind on that later on down the road?). Some may refer to the kind we did as reminder spankings, but really, they are one in the same. It's a spanking less severe than a punishment spanking to hopefully prevent a series of behaviors from turning into punishment spankings, and/or to remind the person of the rules so they are hopefully less likely to break them. It's as simple as that. However, although the concept sounds simple on the surface, to be honest, it was really hard for me to grasp.


It may have been the surprise element of this idea the other night, but whatever it was, I didn't handle it very well. It took a day (at least) for me to actually see that this concept really did work. I was pretty close minded to the idea at first, and I admit that. However, now that's it has been a little time, I can see that it really did work. It gave me a little "refresher course" I guess you could say on everything and as much as I don't want to admit that I needed that, I did.


So, here we go with maintenance I guess! I have to say, it's way better than punishment spankings and if it helps to reduce the number of those then maybe I really can reach my goal of not getting spanked for a year! It kinda seems like a longshot right now, but hey, a girl can dream. :)

I don't have time to get spanked.

The past few weeks have been hectic and I haven't had much time to write. My husbands work schedule is pretty much crazy at the moment, our son is extremely mobile, we're getting ready to move (hellooooooo new house on the beach!!), we're building a house, I got sick (and now I'm better), we've got a bunch of trips coming up and I could go on and on and on and on but you get the idea...we've been busy. So, with all of that, I'm sorry for my lack of ability to write.

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on who you ask or how you think about it, DD doesn't really disappear during those times when life gets extremely busy. 

Because our life is so busy lately, fortunately or unfortunately (depending on who you ask, and how you think about it) if I make a mistake/break a rule, I haven't been getting a "major spanking". I have, however, been getting these "nightly reminder spankings". The point, I guess, is to remind me that I'm still in trouble, he hasn't forgot, and when our life settles down just for a moment, I'll get spanked. 

At first, his concept of "nightly reminder spankings" seemed like a really dumb idea. Just spank me and get it over with, right? However, as the nightly reminder spankings became more real, I realized that maybe it isn't so bad. The concept of it is actually pretty effective, even though it sucks to admit sometimes that my husband was right and I was wrong.

Thankfully I have been following the rules pretty well lately though! Well, at least I think so. There was that one time (or two times..) when I left my hair straightener on for like 4 hours and almost burnt down the house. But hey, aside from that, I've been an angel. :) 

So, after like 4 nights of him doing "nightly reminder spankings" and "cracking down to enforce the rules", I've definitely learned not to leave my straightener on for several hours. 

If your life is getting hectic (like mine), there are alternates to making sure that DD doesn't have to take a back seat. Just ask my husband, he seems to have no trouble at all finding ways around it. :)

And now for my random sentences...

Thank you to everyone who wished me happy birthday yesterday!! I really appreciate it! 


Yesterday (on my birthday!!) my son said "mama" for the first time. Not only did he say it once, twice, three, four times but he wouldn't stop saying it and he's currently been saying it all morning. I have to say, it is the best feeling in he world. 


Friday nights (that is tonight everyone!) are the Ladies Night chats in the LDD Social Network. It starts about 9pm eastern time, but feel free to pop in whenever, if you are a girl. :) We'd love to see you there! And, if you're not a girl..don't worry, there are men chat nights occasionally also. :)

At some point next week, I'll be doing a "Weekly Roundup" of the best DD blogs and blog entries on random topics. If there's anyone you'd like to nominate, please email it to me .


Have a FANTASTIC weekend everyone! Happy Cinco de Mayo tomorrow. We'll be celebrating with a giant rib cookout. How non-Mexican, right? Yeah..probably should have thought that one through a little more. 


-Chelsea

Spanking on the Cover of Newsweek!

While most of the competitors are writing about Trayvon Martin, the Korean Missile fail, the presidential election, Kim Kardashian's divorce, and why on earth Jessica Simpson has seriously been pregnant forever now, Newsweek decided to do something a little different this week. And, I have to say, I was shocked.

The premises of the article was based on the book Fifty Shades of Grey which has seriously taken the "non-DD world" and "DD world" by storm. I haven't read it yet, but if you have..I'd love to hear what you think. 

The headline of the article (even though it doesn't say it on the cover..maybe it's too controversial?) is Spanking Goes Mainstream. And, to some extent, that's true. From the popular Fifty Shades of Grey book to Anne Rice deciding to write a series on Dom/sub relationships that discuss spanking in great lengths, to movies, and now Newsweek..it appears it won't be too long before domestic discipline is brought up in "mainstream". And, I have to admit, I think it's awesome. 

The article dives pretty deep in exploring why women would want a relationship like that, and although it doesn't specifically mention domestic discipline, it does mention submissive tendencies, and Dom/sub quite a bit. 

I'm curious what everyone thinks. To read the article (it's 4 pages, but worth it!) click here. Also, if anyone has read Fifty Shades of Grey yet, please let me know what you think. I'm curious! :)

Time To Spring Clean: Spanking Implement Style!

Last week, I embarked on the ever-so-fun task of spring cleaning. Our house is now super organized (just the way I like it!) which is awesome.

I was reading through a list of 4 things in my Better Homes and Garden magazine that are "rules for spring cleaning, decluttering, and organizing" and then it occurred to me that although I thought our house was organized perfectly and life was great, I still had some work to do in our bedroom closet. Why? Because that's where the spanking implements are kept, and ironically, some of those seem to fit perfectly onto the list of things I should be tossing!

Lets take a look.

Rule #1: Throw Away or Donate Anything That Hasn't Been Used In Over 3 Months: Hmm. See ya silent spanking cream!

Rule #2: Throw Away or Donate Anything You Never Look At Or Have No Use For: I have zero use for spanking implements. I never look at them. In fact, I try to do the exact opposite.

Rule #3: Throw Away or Donate Anything You Dislike: Yep. I hate all our spanking implements!

Rule #4: Throw Away Anything That Has Been Overused, Damaged, or Broken: Our wooden spoon is broken (hmm, wonder how that happened?) and I'm pretty sure the other implements have been way overused.

So, there you have it. I guess my spring cleaning isn't actually done.

Anyone want some spanking implements? I'll gladly donate them!

The Spanking Survey

I had a better topic "picked out" for this week, but I got eight (literally) emails asking when I was going to get around to posting this (seeing as how I've had it for about 3 months now) so here you go, everyone. :) I've seen this going around "Blog Land" for awhile, and eventually it got passed along to me by Kaylee. It's been around for years now apparently, and although I think some of the questions are a little dumb, I'll try to answer them. Enjoy.

SPANKING SURVEY

Have you ever gotten spanked?: Is that a serious question?


Are you spanked bare bottomed, over panties, or over clothes?: I've been spanked all 3 ways. 
 
What is the best thing about being spanked?: Probably how close it brings my husband and I (emotionally, and physically) and the fact that it changes my behavior.

What position do you get spanked in?: Laying over the bed.


Have you ever gotten spanked in public?: Not a "full spanking" but I've been "swatted" in public before once or twice.

What do you get spanked with the most?: The paddle.

On a scale of 1-10 how much does the average spanking hurt?: It's all relative to your pain tolerance. Personally, I'd say between a 6-8. 
 
Have you ever been spanked for something you don't feel you deserve?: At the time I didn't think I did, but afterwards I changed my mind once I heard more of his reasonings behind it.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a hairbrush?: Yep, but it's been a long time.

Have you ever been spanked so hard that you started to cry?: Yes.  

Were you spanked as a child?: Yes.

Do you think spanking is fun?: No.

What does the HoH say to you before your spanking?: I get lectured about what I did wrong.

Have you ever gotten spanked for bad driving (speeding ticket, etc)?: Not for a speeding ticket (because I haven't had one in forever) but I have gotten them for other "bad driving" related offenses (texting while driving..things like that).

Have you ever gotten a spanking for no reason at all?: No.
 
Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?: Not a teacher, but growing up I attended a private school and the principal was allowed to paddle the students, so yeah, I got that a few times. And I didn't think it was that bad at all.....it stung for like 2 seconds and then my life went on and it was a WAY better alternative to boring detention. Lol.

Is your butt spankable?: ...and that means, what, exactly?

Is spanking your hobbie?: No.

Are you currently in trouble? No. :)

Do you get lectured during the spanking?: Not during, but before and sometimes after I do.

Have you ever seen someone else get spanked?: Yes.

Have you ever gotten spanked for cursing?: No.

Have you ever gotten spanked for lying?: Yes.

Have you ever been spanked with more than one spanking instrument in one spanking session?: Yes. Usually 2, sometimes 3.

Do you hate spankings?: Yes.

How many people spank you?: 1 (my husband).

Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air?: Well, it's not on the ground....
Have you ever gotten spanked so hard you butt was purple?: No.
Do you think that spanking is a good punishment?: It's effective.

Do you believe spanking has made your relationship better, or worse? Better.

Is your butt red and sore afterwards?: Yeah.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?: Lol. No.

Have you ever been spanked twice in one day?: I don't remember for sure, but I THINK so.

Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong?: Only a few times, but yes, I have.
Would you talk about spousal spankings to your friends/family members?: If they asked...

Have you ever gotten you butt caned?: Yeah. (wonderful phrasing yet again)
Do you cry?: Sometimes.
Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon?: Yep, usually for warm-ups. Not the "actual spanking".

What do you get spanked for?: Breaking any of the "major" rules.
 On average, how many times a month are you spanked?: Probably 1. Sometimes more, sometimes less.

How many swats do you get for the average offense?: I don't count.

Do your friends know that you get spanked?: Most of them do.

On a 1-10 scale, how hard would you get spanked for something serious,such as speeding?: I don't know. That's more of a question for my husband ("how hard would you spank your wife for it?") but I'd say probably a 7 or 8. It would be hard. But I don't think I've ever gotten a spanking that I would rate a 10.

Have you ever gotten your butt belted?: That question could probably be phrased a lot better........ but yeah, I have.
Have you ever gotten your butt paddled?: See above.

After your spanking is over, how long before you repeat the same offense?: A really long time, if ever. Some things I have been spanked for I have never repeated. Some things I've repeated months later.

Does your spouse enjoy spanking you?: No, he'd rather not if he doesn't have to.

When is the last time you got spanked?: A few days ago.

Have you ever spanked yourself? No, I haven't. That can't really be a serious question.

What is the worst thing about being spanked?: Probably knowing I disappointed my husband, and the pain isn't so fun either. The anticipation of it is also awful.
Does anyone aside from your spouse/significant other spank you? No, just my husband.
 
How long does the spanking last?: There isn't really a specific time frame. Just until he wants to stop, I guess. I'm not really sure how he determines the time of it.

What implements are you spanked with?: I've been spanked with my husbands hand, a wooden spoon, a hairbrush, a paddle, a belt, and a cane. But, for the "average spanking" I'm only spanked with a wooden spoon (for the warm-up) and a paddle.

 Do you get spanked hard?: Yes.

Do you like to be spanked?: No. Actually, it's one of the few things in this world that I fear. I hate it. If I liked it, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be effective.

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower, or a rule breaker?: A "rule follower" but that doesn't mean I'm perfect, by any means. I break rules, but not intentionally.



Well, that was interesting. I seriously can't believe I did that. Anyway, there you go everyone.

-Chels

I should have known this time was coming..

Our son is almost 8 months old now (crazy how time flies!). He's starting to mimic everything we do, and although he can't talk yet, I think we would really prefer his first word to not be a curse word, lol.

To be honest, I really don't like the concept of new rules that magically, and out of nowhere, appear. This isn't my husbands fault because it's his right (as my husband, the head of our family, etc) to create rules where he sees fit. But still, I'd be lying if I said it didn't drive me nuts sometimes. I guess I like our rule list the way it is. I didn't want anything added onto it.

I should have known the day was coming when my husband would implement a "no cursing in front of our son" rule. I didn't know that the day would be this week though. It sort of took me by surprise, and even though I 100% agree with the rule, it's going to be a difficult one for me at first. My husband has (thankfully!) been pretty lenient with me in terms of that rule because it's really hard to stop cursing on the drop of a dime, and although I'm really trying, I've definitely had some slip-ups.

I don't curse all the time, and it's not excessive. It's usually when my frustration with something (primarily other peoples driving..) reaches a peak. So, because it's not super frequent, I'm hoping it won't be completely impossible for me to grasp ahold of this new rule (fingers crossed, at least).

This has already been a long week, and I feel like I've been getting in trouble in some form every single day (even though I haven't, that's what it feels like). Needless to say, I'm definitely hoping this new rule catches on in my brain very, very quickly because the last thing I really need right now is to get another spanking.

And, on a happier note...my awesome son can crawl now!! Looks like it's time to really start babyproofing the house!

Have an excellent weekend everyone!!

Chels

Spanked for something I never expected..

This has been a rough week, and a great week, all at the same time.
For a long time now (since before we moved to the east coast, before we had a child, etc) I have been wanting to build our dream house. For whatever reason, we haven't been able to do so yet (although we have talked about it). Well, finally this week, we decided to make it happen. We spent a ton of time researching areas, neighborhoods, schools, and lots and finally picked the perfect one. We're now in the "picking a builder" stage. It has basically consumed our lives these past few weeks and between this big decision and my husband being "full swing" into his new job, life is crazy.

Within all the craziness, I've still managed to do the usual (take care of our son, clean, laundry, errands, etc) but I've neglected one kind of important thing- eating.

When we first began DD, I never expected that I would hear "you're getting spanked for not eating" coming out of my husbands mouth. I don't "love food" or overeat, or anything to that respect, but I've always been good at eating when I'm hungry and not forgetting to..until lately. The hectic state that our life has taken on has really got me neglecting things like eating, and sleeping, and thus in turn has effected my health. Thankfully, not in a major way, but it still makes me dizzy or get headaches if I go all day long without any sort of food or drink and 2 hours of sleep. Needless to say, I'm beyond burnt out right now.

So, when my husband repeatedly said, day after day, "you need to eat lunch while I'm at work", guess what I didn't do? Eat lunch. I forgot, pretty much every day except the ones when I had to (he was home and we ate together). Over the course of a few days of basically not listening whatsoever to that, I got spanked.

I guess there's a first time for everything, but I really hope this is the last.

Out With the Old, In With the New

I feel like I've been getting in trouble non-stop over the past couple of weeks. I really don't know what's gotten into me. Usually I can find something to blame it on, but this time I really can't.

In the middle (well, maybe towards the end..) of my acting like an idiot spree, I gave a friend bad advice in regards to handling one of her punishments. That advice caused her to get spanked even more, and thus, made me feel awful. Not only that, but it didn't make my husband too happy (rightfully so). After a long talk about how my actions affected her, I got spanked. His intention wasn't to give me a "full spanking". It was a harder spanking than normal, but much fewer swats. It was more of a reminder. But that reminder did more for us then I can even explain.

The spanking was like any other punishment I had ever received. I don't think he meant for it to be like that, but it was. And, I'm truly glad it was. It was a breakthrough for us.

Immediately after it was over, I felt the way I feel like I was "supposed to feel" after a punishment. Like the slate was truly cleaned, I'd been punished, it was over with, and we could all move on. But even more then that it gave me this extra drive to behave more.

Today I got spanked again (for something that happened the other day, but it was kind of a 2-part punishment because it was so major) and my husband used his "new way" of spanking again with only a few minor changes. Once again, it brought tears, forgiveness, redemption, and a feeling of "there's no way in hell I'm ever going to do that again".

I've never been one that likes change. Especially change that is temporarily worse for me. The spankings are more intense, they are different, but I am grateful.

This change has changed me.