This week has been nothing short of hectic, like every other week it seems.
My 1 Year No Spanking Challenge is well underway and I've almost passed the 1 month mark! 1 month almost down, 11 more months to go. Want to take the challenge with me? Comment on this entry, send me an email, whatever you want to do and we can all support each other in reaching the goal of not getting spanked for 1 year! :-)
I'm adding new ways for people to contact me, by request, because it takes me weeks sometimes to respond to emails. Check the Contact Me page after you're done reading this, if you're interested.
Another random thing: This past week I took my son to the park. When I got there, it appeared to be empty. After all, it was the middle of a weekday afternoon and the weather wasn't exactly fantastic. I was on the phone as we arrived to the park, and I was walking, talking on the phone, and carrying my son over to the playground. I was on the phone with another DD wife and I said, not very quietly, "well, when my husband spanks me....". A few seconds later I turned my head, only to see a guy sitting in the picnic shelter just starring at me like "wow". He look stunned, and it was obvious he heard me. Talk about awkward. When I meant I'm open about DD, I meant that I'm open about it if people ask or if I have an open opportunity to explain it to people. Not just blurt it out to random strangers at the park! I really should watch my mouth, lol. It was totally awkward. Needless to say, my son and I didn't stay there very long, at all.
Moving along.. this coming week I have a few blogs scheduled. I actually had a few scheduled this week too and I wondered why they didn't post. Then I looked and they were scheduled for 7/whatever day/2013. Yeah. Blonde moment. Sorry about that. They'll all be available this coming week for those who have asked. Sorry!
Additionally, if you all could please send your thoughts and prayers to the victims and their families of the Colorado Theater Shooting that would be very appreciated. It's a horrific situation. :-(
I'll admit, I've never been one that reads DD fiction. I actually didn't even read many DD blogs up until a couple of months ago! But, I have to say, I'm glad I checked out the "DD literature world" so to speak. I'm now hooked on blogs, and have found myself reading several DD stories over the past couple months.
It all started when my friend "Pooky" (from CDD For Life? Pooky's Story) let me know that she'd written a 2-part book series and asked if I'd read it for her. If I was going to start reading anyones DD fiction books, it was going to be hers. I love the way she writes on her blog, so I knew I'd love her books too. And, I was right.
The 2 part series is called Choices, and it's perfectly named (as well as excellently written). The book is about a girl named Jessie who is happily married. Her husband brings up domestic discipline out of the blue after a big argument and before long they're practicing it as part of their daily life. Gabe (Jesse's husband) asks her to do a one year trial period and the book follows their domestic discipline journey, and the choices she makes along the way. In the second book (Choices Part 2) it continues to follow the couples fictional DD journey and the hardships, emotions, happy times, bad times, and everything in between that comes with DD.
I don't want to give too much away about the books, but there's a general idea. Since I'd never read many DD fiction (ok, so I hadn't read any) I wasn't sure what to expect. But, let me tell you, I was really into it! I read the first book in just under a day. For some reason, I couldn't stop reading it. Maybe it's because I saw a little of my husband and I in the book (the way her husband approached certain situations just sounded so similar to my own), I don't know. But, whatever the reason was, I'm truly glad I read them. The second book I finished in a really quick time frame too, and liked it equally as much.
Probably the best part about these books is how accurately Pooky got the emotions that exist in a domestic discipline marriage to be displayed. I felt like I could truly relate to Jessie, and I think other women who read the book will feel the same (and, men can easily relate to Gabe, the HoH figure). The emotions that run through this book cover all the emotions that a real life DD couple would face. The bottom line is that it's written very well.
I'm curious to hear what you all think of Pooky's 2-part book series, which is available for sale by clicking on the links below. I'm telling you guys, it's worth a read. I'm hoping Pooky will write a 3rd part of the series that has now gotten me hooked.
A while back I posted about how spanking has gone mainstream. On the cover of Newsweek, tons of news programs like 20/20, Dateline, Nightline, and more. Interviews galore with the author of the now worldwide best seller of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy.
Image from Wikimedia
Now, the books aren't solely about spanking, nor are they about domestic discipline. I get that. But, does spanking exist? Yes. Does the book have some element of domestic discipline? Yes (but it's hidden..more on that in a moment). The fact that this sort of lifestyle (even though the books are much more BDSM) has gone mainstream is really cool to me.
So, when I first heard of these books, I was skeptical about reading them for numerous reasons. However, the popularity of these books kept increasing and week by week I saw it as the #1 book on the New York Times bestseller list. Finally, I caved in.
I'll admit, I've only read 1 book (out of the 3) so far. I probably should have waited to put up this post after I read all 3, but I've had a lot of inquiries as to what I thought of the book, so I decided to do it now. After I've read all 3, I'll re-review probably.
I didn't have very high expectations (at all) for the book. However, I must say, it was better than expected.
I won't give too much of it away for those who haven't read it yet, but want to. However, the basic idea is a young girl meets a successful businessman and they begin a relationship. However, he is very dominant and controlling (and she isn't used to it) and insists on the two of the implementing a contract in order for their relationship to go further. The contract details out expectations/rules, consequences, hard/soft limits, etc. I'll admit, it was pretty interesting considering I've never really seen a contract like that before.
The book is very sexual (there's your warning). It's also very graphic. I'll stop short at calling it porn, but I will say that unless they very heavily edit the movie that they're planning on making around this book, it will, no doubt be given over an R rating.
Still, the book raises a lot of questions. The biggest one I have is that if people appear to be so against the idea of rules and punishments (whether sexually based, like BDSM or non-sexually based like DD) then why is this book a) getting great ratings (out of over 7,000 reviews on Amazon.com, over 3,300 of them rated it 5 stars..and that's just on one website) b) gaining popularity like you wouldn't believe.
Lets face it, this topic fascinates people.
The book is not about domestic discipline. Let me just put that out there. The 2 characters in the book do not have a domestic discipline relationship. So, will the popularity of this book increase the popularity of couples doing domestic discipline? Probably not by much.
However, the book does have moments that are a little "DD-like". Example: He threatens that she won't be able to sit if she doesn't listen. The entire book isn't sexual, although a very large majority of it is. But, would I recommend it? Yes.
If you read the books, please don't read them in order to use them as like "advice" books for your own marriage. That would be a bad idea. Also, don't read them if you're offended by sex. Don't read it if you are expecting it to be about domestic discipline. However, it is an interesting read, and I'd be curious to hear what ya'll think of it.
So, have you read the books? What do you think?
Also, I have the 2nd and 3rd books downloaded onto my Kindle, but haven't read them yet. Once I do, I'll update this post.
Until then, if you're interested in reading, you can buy 50 Shades of Grey on Amazon (or virtually any other site, or at any bookstore).
First off, Happy 4th of July! I know I'm a day late, but we were so busy yesterday and I totally forgot to put up a post. We had an absolutely wonderful 4th of July, and I hope everyone else did as well.
I've always wondered how popular domestic discipline is. I guess it's the "research brain" part of me or the fact that I love statistics. But either way, I have always wondered how many people truly practice. However, because a very large majority of those who practice domestic discipline keep it under such tight wraps, I don't think there has been any concrete data released on the subject (which sucks because I really want to know!)
However, what I can say is this..
There are many different forms of domestic discipline. I think when a lot of people hear the term domestic discipline they automatically think "husband gives wife rules, if wife breaks them she gets spanked". That isn't always the case. In fact, there are numerous relationships/marriages/arrangements out there that fall into the domestic discipline category, but don't include spanking at all. Simply speaking, domestic discipline is anytime one spouse becomes the "leader" of the house (whether unintentional or intentional) and puts down rules or guidelines (whether unintentional or intentional) for the other spouse and if those are not followed some form of punishment ensues. A lot of marriages probably don't even realize that they're operating under "domestic discipline". Take this for example..
When I was in grad school (and hadn't yet truly heard of domestic discipline, definitely didn't practice it, and if I had heard about it at that point, I would have wanted nothing to do with it) I had a close friend who had recently gotten married. To this day, I'm convinced that neither her, or her new husband, had any knowledge of domestic discipline. But that's beside the point.
Her and I spent probably 4 out of 7 days a week together (studying, shopping, decorating her new house, etc) and got to know each other really well. One day, we went out shopping and she went a tad bit overboard (actually, a lot overboard if you would have asked her husband). Both of us didn't really think anything of it. Later that evening, we went back to her house and her new husband saw an entire trunk full of shopping bags. His response was the usual "what on earth were you thinking?" "seriously we haven't even made our first mortgage payment yet!" and then it came..."if you can't be responsible with credit cards maybe you shouldn't even have them!" and he marched over to her wallet and took them out.
Now, for us "DD wives" this scenario wouldn't really be out of the ordinary. You break a rule, you lose privileges. However, for my friend, it was out of the ordinary. I even asked her, later down the road, if he'd ever done that before and she replied no. There were several further statements she made that fully convinced me, over the years, that her, nor her husband really had any idea what DD was and more than likely drew the line at punishments right then and there are removing her credit cards. There was never a set rule list created, nor any sort of punishment list (so to speak). But, she lost her credit cards. And, do I believe that pretty much any husband would do that, DD or not? Absolutely.
The point here is that domestic discipline exists everywhere. It may not be the form of domestic discipline you are used to, it may not be labeled as domestic discipline, and it may not be easy to "spot" and that's ok. But, it's out there.
I know it is so hard to wrap your head around "what if other people found out we practiced dd!?". I get that and I'm not saying "well now everyone should feel comfortable sharing it!" because that's totally unrealistic.
What I am saying is that you aren't alone. There are forms of domestic discipline in a very high number of marriages. Some may be microscopically small and some may run rampant. Regardless, any marriage that has a leader is going to have some form of domestic discipline. You may totally disagree with me all you want, but look past domestic discipline as being about spanking, set in stone rules or designated punishments.
It is very easy to feel alone in the domestic discipline lifestyle, partly because you (and others) choose to be so private about it that you are afraid to talk about it with others, and partly because you don't know where to look for support.
The point of this entire post is that you aren't alone. There are small (or large) forms of domestic discipline (probably not called by that name, or any name though) in a significant number of relationships. I guarantee it. Now, the number that include spanking? That number probably greatly decreases. But nonetheless, domestic discipline is out there in full force.
Our first vacation since we had our son = total success! We had a blast. It was an adjustment waking up this morning and not having the beach 10 steps from our bedroom, but we'll be ok. :-) Although I'm not super happy to be back to "real life" now and really don't want my husband to return to work tomorrow, we had an awesome time and can't wait for our next trip.
My "one year of no punishment" challenge (that I created for myself, lol) is well underway. I started it 2 weeks ago (after this) and so far so good! Even though it's only been about 2 weeks, it's going great. I haven't even had any warnings since then! Success! Only 50 more weeks to go.
In other news, I'm once again way behind on emails. If you emailed me recently (or, since like April, lol) I am going to work on getting back with you this week. I know I also have a lot of comments that have went without a response so I will work on catching up on that as well. Also, I haven't forgotten about my weekly roundups either. :-)
I've got a few posts scheduled for this week (and upcoming weeks) but if there's something specific you'd like to see, feel free to leave in a comment. Although I miss being on vacation, it feels great to be back. :-)
So, remember how I was planning on going a year without punishment? Well, that didn't happen. My no-punishment streak and awesome rule following skills were destroyed all because I didn't think. Honestly, I think just about every rule I break or mistake that I make is caused by one thing - not thinking before I act. I really need to get better at that.
I wouldn't say that I have a lot of rules. They're all the pretty standard ones, and nothing too out of the ordinary. They're all rules that I think just about every marriage has, in some form - be respectful, be honest, listen, stuff like that. Above all else though is the "don't do anything dangerous" rule.
When you break that rule twice in one week would anyone like to take a guess the enormous amount of trouble that a person would be in? Because that's precisely what happened.
I'm very anti-texting while driving. But, my husband is even more anti texting while driving and I understand why. It's dangerous, and honestly, after reading the stats on it (which I should have done before I did such a stupid thing!) I'm shocked that the entire world hasn't made it illegal yet.
Last week, on two separate occasions (back to back days) I sent a text message while driving. While this might not sound like a big deal, it was. Not that it's ok to text while driving anywhere, anytime, but it's definitely worse to do so on the freeway, in traffic. Bottom line- bad idea.
My husband didn't find out until after both texting while driving incidents happened, and needless to say, he wasn't happy (although he was still more calm than I expected). In fact, I actually titled this blog entry before the punishments even happened because I knew it would be bad.
To cut to the chase, I got in a lot of trouble. Texting while driving once is bad enough, but twice is even worse.
If I break a spankable rule but my husband can't do the spanking like normal for whatever the reason is, we do shorter ones each night that sort of reminds me that I'm still in trouble for the offense. By short, I'm talking short reminders that sting but thankfully the sting doesn't last longer than 20 minutes or so. So, in this situation, I got "nightly reminder spankings" (that's the term I've kind of coined for them, but there may be a better name or an official term out there, I don't know) for a few nights before I actually got punished just due to the circumstances of our week (we had a lot going on, and were extremely busy). Needless to say, these nighty reminder spankings made the punishment worse because it's like a constant reminder that you're still in trouble (and big trouble at that!) which I guess is the point. But still, it sucked.
I ended this "punishment week" as I call it with 2 spankings- 1 for each texting while driving offense, and several nightly reminder spankings. All in all, I got spanked every night last week for one thing or another (texting while driving, or nightly reminders). I'm telling you guys/girls- worst. spanking. ever.
Did it suck? That's an understatement. Was it worth it? Absolutely no way on this earth. Did I learn from it? Yes x 1,000,000. Am I glad it's over? Ya'll have no idea.
So, if anyone out there does text while driving (while you're in a DD relationship or not, since I know lots of people from "both sides of the fence" read my blog) please don't. Seriously, just think about this.
Answering a text message takes away your attention from the road for approximately 5 seconds. That is enough time for your car to travel an entire football field. (Click here for source)
Texting while driving increases your chance of causing a car accident, or getting in a car accident, by 23 times what your risk would be if you were not texting while driving. (Click here for source)
For every 6 seconds of drive time, a person texting while driving spends approximately 4.6 of those seconds with their eyes off the road. (Click here for source)
Texting while driving or being distracted by your cell phone causes a drivers reaction to be the same as if you had a blood alcohol level of .08% (aka- enough for a DUI) (Click here for source)
There are literally thousands of more statistics that are even more shocking, but you get the point.
There's also this video, which is extremely powerful. If you text while driving, seriously, I'm begging you to stop. It's not fair to you, your family, your friends, your children, your spouse, or anyone else on the road.
Just remember this..
The spanking may have been hard, the lecture may have been long, the decision may have been stupid (really stupid)..but it was, hands down, better than the alternative.
So, now I'm restarting my "one year of no punishment!" streak. Everyone wish me luck. :-) I'm totally determined to do this.
Everyone have an amazing week, and remember, don't text while driving!
Seems like forever since I've posted. Sorry about that! We're leaving for vacation in about 6 days (yessss!!!) and it's been a lot of work to prepare for that, mixed in with everything else we have going on.
Last week I got in some pretty huge trouble. My post regarding it is scheduled to go up tomorrow (Monday) so check back then. I think that may have been another thing that prevented me from blogging last week..sorry everyone. :-( However, I'm thankful that it's behind us now and I can learn from it and life can move forward. Being in trouble really sucks.
In happier news, HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the amazing dads out there. I'm grateful to have such an awesome father who makes me laugh and smile all the time. He's the hardest worker I've ever met, but also the most down to earth, laid back, and hilarious person. I love my dad. :-)
And, a special Happy First Fathers Day to my absolutely amazing husband. I knew he would be a fantastic dad, but he has exceeded all thoughts. If I had to create the perfect dad for our son, he still wouldn't be anywhere close to what my husband is. He's truly the most amazing person I know, and I'm beyond blessed to be married to such a fantastic person. Our son is probably the luckiest child in the world to have the dad he does. I wish you all could see the way his face lights up literally every time he sees his dad. It is precious.
Being a parent is a lot of work, but it's such a rewarding part of life. Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there! I hope you have an absolutely awesome day with your children and your family!
