Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Boot Camp Basics

Disclaimer: Boot camp is not for every relationship. It's actually really difficult (in my opinion) to tell whether boot camp is for you and your spouse, or not. It's something that you both need to agree to and something that I wouldn't recommend for those just beginning domestic discipline.

This is a topic that, for whatever reason, seems to cause a lot of controversy. I'm not sure why it is, but it seems like almost everyone who practices DD can fall into one of these 3 categories: completely agrees with boot camp, completely disagrees with boot camp, or is completely in the dark. There doesn't seem to be a lot of "middle ground".

For those of you who fall into the "completely in the dark" category, I'm providing a little "boot camp" outline for you. Obviously this doesn't include every single boot camp detail (because that would take me forever) but hopefully this helps.

I'd also like to say that there are many different ways to do boot camp. This is just one of them, but because it's the way that my husband and I did, it's obviously the only one I have personal experience with.

So, what is boot camp?

Boot camp is basically a multiple day (the HoH determines the length. I've heard of some couples doing it for 1 day, and some for as long as a week. My husband and I did it for 2 days.) "training" so to speak. The HoH determines the rules and punishments (which often times are more severe or more "out of the ordinary" than the typical rules/punishments the wife would have) and, in addition to the rules and punishments, there are homework assignments and random punishments (that don't necessarily have an offense tied to them) with "lessons" behind each one.

What is the reason a couple would want to do boot camp?

The goal is hopefully that at the end of boot camp you and your spouse feel closer together and have more defined roles. In addition, it helps the wife to be more respectful of both her spouse and the rules, and to increase trust. These outcomes often convince a couple who already has domestic discipline in their marriage to try and improve it.

How does boot camp work?

Boot camp is comprised of the following..
  • Punishments (for breaking the rules set forth during boot camp, and a seperate set of punishments with "lessons" behind each of them).
  • Homework assignments.
  • Communication building exercises (usually this comes from the couple discussing the homework assignments after they're completed, etc.)
Boot camp typically starts with the HoH removing all of the wifes privileges for the duration of boot camp.

Each day of boot camp contains 4 spankings. These spankings range from mild to severe, and each one has a lesson behind it (no complaining, hold still, no reaching your hand back/kicking/making it more difficult on your husband, and understanding that it could always be worse).

Each day also consists of 4 homework assignments. Some of these are individual ones that just the wife does, and some are ones that both the wife and husband do together. There is a pretty long list of homework assignments that the HoH can choose from prior to boot camp beginning, but some examples of them are listing qualities you love about your spouse, listing ways that DD has helped to improve your marriage, etc. These are always written assignments (usually 1-2 pages long).

In addition to the homework assignments and spankings, each day the wife is supposed to "practice obeying" by not responding "no" to any of her husbands requests. Failure to do so would result in immediate punishment of whatever the HoH chooses.

So, that pretty much sums it up. Obviously there is more in depth details that go along with this, but there's a basic overview of what boot camp is.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me and we can discuss it further.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Opening Up The Boot Camp Can Of Worms

It's a pretty well known fact that I suck with can openers (I think there's a video floating around somewhere of when my husband taped me trying to use our electric can opener. It isn't as easy as it sounds!) so..maybe that's why the "boot camp can of worms" has stayed pretty tightly shut. Well, up until last week when I started to open it just a little bit. I didn't really think the "boot camp" curiosity would explode like it has. Between the comments, emails (that both my husband and I have gotten), text messages, etc. people are definitely curious.

Image from

I guess I should have known, when I wrote that last entry regarding boot camp, that people who hadn't heard of it yet would ask, which is fine. I should have been prepared to do a "here's boot camp 101" entry, but I wasn't and I'm still not.

I don't want boot camp to sound like some kind of super-secretive operation that only those with "insider knowledge" get to do. It's not like that. My main reason for not putting "boot camp 101" out there is because I really believe it's something that would create a giant firestorm of opinions and a huge uproar for some people. The other reason is I believe that boot camp is pretty much something that should either be recommended to you on a case by case basis, or something that you and your spouse mutually agree may be best for your marriage. It's also something that you need to tailor specifically to your marriage. There are many ways to do boot camp, and many "custom forms" and so writing a "boot camp 101" type thing really wouldn't even be benenficial because it can be changed, and should be changed, in many different ways depending on the couple and numerous other factors.

The reason I wrote that last entry on boot camp was really geared towards those who had already done boot camp (because it had been a rather "hot button" topic lately, and I'd seen boot camp posts on numerous other blogs). But the more I think about it, the more I think that wasn't really fair.

I'm still not comfortable doing a extremely detailed outline of boot camp because it's going to be different for every couple. However, I've decided I'll go ahead and do a basic outline of boot camp, for those who are thinking about trying it. I'll be posting that within the next few days, so stay tuned.

Before I sign off, I want to apologize if I made people feel left out about the whole boot camp thing. My reasons for not being so open about it are above, but still, I think it's a good idea to at least give people some information on it which they can then use (or not) to make a determination on whether or not boot camp would be right for them.

If anyone has any specific questions regarding boot camp that they want to see covered in that entry, please email them to me (my email is found on the contact me page at the top) or leave them in the comments below. Thanks!