I will remember to put things back after I'm done using them and be more responsible.

That's the sentence I wrote over, and over, and over, and over again last week.

Before we started DD, and I'd heard about the writing lines punishment, I thought that's got to be the easiest thing in the world. It definitely isn't.

Thankfully it isn't a punishment my husband uses often. But, when he does, it really isn't fun.

So, to make matters a little more fun for me, I decided to try and not number the sentences, start them at random points on the page, and basically make it a jumbled mess so that he would literally have to read the several pages of repeated sentences and try to count them/piece them together one by one to see if I'd even done them.

This, folks, is not a good idea.

Him: "Babe, how many have you done?" (asked about mid-way through)

Me: "I don't know, you'll have to count them."

Him: (glancing over at the page) "You need to be numbering them."

I ignored it, and kept writing along, making a jumbled mess of un-numbered sentences for him to read and decipher.

Him: "Babe, start numbering them or you're going to have to write more."

There's where my stupidity came into play.

I ended up having to write about 20 more than usual, which definitely sucked. Needless to say, the sentences were clearly numbered by time I was done, and my fun filled game was over. :(

But hey, at least my 1 year no spanking challenge is still going strong!

Moral of the story: If you're supposed to write lines, just write them. Don't turn it into a puzzle- your husband won't like it, lol.

The LDD Interview with my husband!

A commenter, CowgirlUp, on my husbands blog left us a great idea to interview each other for our blogs. Well, we've finally gotten around to it and we thought it was a great idea! 

So, I wrote up some interview questions for my husband this week, and he did the same for me. I must say, some of the questions were harder than I thought! If you want to read his questions, and my answers, check them out here! 

Below is the interview with my husband. Thanks to CowgirlUp for the great idea. :-) Enjoy everyone!

1) What motivated you to start Learning Domestic Discipline?

  I started Learning Domestic Discipline because I was extremely frustrated with the way the lifestyle was portrayed, understood, and exploited on the internet.  It was frustrating to me to see how so many people thought this lifestyle was some kind of fantasy, or some kind of fetish that people did for their own personal agendas.  That really drove me crazy and still does quite honestly.  I wanted to explain to people and show them that there really are those of us out there who take this lifestyle seriously and don't consider it a game whatsoever.

  Also, when I was trying to research the lifestyle myself, I couldn't find anything that was very helpful (other than our DD counselor at the time).  I was looking for help on how to make our DD practices even better and make our marriage even stronger.  When I couldn't find anything like that, I decided it was time to start my own website/blog.  I felt I had enough knowledge on the subject and enough experience with the lifestyle that I could offer a website that was instructional, informative and helpful about Domestic Discipline rather than sexual, personal, and exploitable.

2) What are your goals for Learning Domestic Discipline in the next few months, and few years?

  I have a vision of Learning Domestic Discipline being the primary resource for those considering Domestic Discipline, as well as a primary resource for those that currently practice Domestic Discipline.  I'd like LDD to be an "intersection", if you will, of all the resources a DD couple would want or need to enhance their DD lifestyle.  I'd like to have numerous networks that are area specific (like an LDD Western USA Network, an LDD Eastern USA Network,  an LDD England Network, an LDD Australia Network, etc.), I'd like to have a singles network for those looking for others in this lifestyle, I'd like to have an "LDD Shop" where couples can purchase spanking implements, the books that my wife and I write, instructional videos, etc., just to name a few things I have in mind.

  I'd also like to promote local DD support groups.  I'd love to have a section of LDD listing the various local support groups with their contact information so people can join these groups in their area.

  As you can see, the sky is the limit with LDD, but the difficult part is keeping everything reputable and clean.  I don't want to cross into the BDSM side of this lifestyle simply to get "bigger".  That may hinder the potential growth of LDD, but that's a choice I'm always going to stand by.  I want people to trust LDD and be comfortable with anything under the LDD name by keeping things mature, clean, and smut-free.  That's the reputation I hope I've established, and the reputation I plan to keep for LDD.

  Growth of the current LDD Network is relatively slow.  We've just hit 115 members, which is wonderful, but it's going to take a great deal of time to do what I want to do with it all.  These things may never end up happening, but I'd love for LDD to be the primary "name" that represents this lifestyle, much to the dismay of my haters.  Only time will tell.

3) A lot of people seem to think you are strict. Do you think you are, or would you say you're more lenient?

  I think I lean a little further to the strict side.  I don't expect perfection by any means, but I DO expect my wife to behave appropriately in all situations.   If I can do so, I feel as though she should be able to do so as well.  And, 95% of the time, she does.  She does a great job.

4) What would you say is the worst part and hardest part of being an HoH?

  Spanking and spanking.  I hate spanking my wife.  Absolutely hate it.  I do it to protect her from herself, to protect our family, and to help my wife be the best person, wife, and mother that she can possibly be.  The results from spanking are nothing short of amazing, but there's no question that spanking is the most difficult part of this lifestyle for me.  I hate to do it, but I have to if I want my wife and my family to thrive.

5) What would you say is the best part and the easiest part of being an HoH?

  The best part is knowing that my wife respects me and supports my decisions.  There isn't anything better than that.  Knowing my wife will always stand beside me no matter what is an extremely comforting feeling.  I've known many men that have wives that show them zero respect, and they're clearly devastated by it.  Some wives walk all over their husbands and it obviously makes their husbands miserable.  I'm glad my wife respects me enough to not do such a thing, and I think DD plays a strong part in keeping that balance.

  I don't think there is anything easy about being an HoH.  There's a lot of stress and a lot of pressure that comes with it.  If I had to choose ONE thing though, I suppose it would be rewarding my wife.  I don't do it often, purposely, so that when I DO reward her it is much more meaningful.  But it's easy to reward my wife.  I know what she loves and appreciates, so if she has earned a reward, it doesn't take long for me to decide what it should be.  I love seeing her happy.

6) What's the best piece of advice you have for people just beginning DD or looking into DD?

  Don't get frustrated.  That's the easiest way to put it.  It takes time to truly get things mastered in the best way that works for your relationship/marriage.  There also may be a stint where the HoH is inconsistent.  I'm starting to think this happens to everyone.  Don't get upset, don't get frustrated, and definitely do not get angry.  You've got to work together with your spouse.  You just have to.  It can take months to get this DD stuff mastered.  Years, even.  It takes time, patience, and understanding.  Don't get discouraged and don't give up so easily.  Your spouse and your marriage deserve your commitment to the lifestyle.

  I would also recommend surrounding yourself with people who also practice Domestic Discipline.  New couples often feel alone since they don't have anyone to talk to about it, so finding a group that understands what you're going through and that can offer support for you can really go a long way.  I know those aren't easy to find either, but if you can do that as a new couple, you're one step ahead of everyone else just starting out.

  And lastly, don't be afraid to try new things (like new implements, or the Capsaicin Cream, etc.) or take the next steps in DD.  You've already agreed to the lifestyle and you're already seeing benefits from practicing.  That's wonderful, but if you keep things the same month after month and year after year, you'll become accustomed to how things are done and your progress will stop.  The only way you're going to progress and grow as a couple is to try new and different things.  If they don't work for you, that's alright.  They don't work.  Throw them out of what you do.  But if the DO work, you'll be so glad you took that leap of faith and gave something new a try.

7) When you aren't working on the LDD blog, network, or upcoming LDD things, what do you do with your free time and what do you like to do online?

  You're assuming I have free time after all that?  Ha!  Laughable.

  Seriously though, if I'm not working on something LDD related, I'm spending time with my family.  It's a bit clichè, but it's the truth.  We go to parks, lakes, fairs, sporting events, the beach, and other things like that when we can.

  Online I do a lot of reading.  I read a lot about the NFL and other sports.  I read a lot about my favorite bands.  I read a lot of blogs.  I read Twitter.  I don't really do much else online that isn't related to LDD. 

8) If you could trade places with one person in the world for one day, who would it be? (warning: cutest answer in the world alert!!)

  If it's only for one day, it would be my wife.  I would want to know what it feels like to be the most incredible person on the planet, even if just for one day.  It would also give me a greater appreciation of everything she does in one day, and she deserves all the appreciation I can possibly give her.

9) What is the most rewarding part about DD in your marriage?

  It's hard to pinpoint one specific thing.  This is a great question.  There are so many benefits, but if I had to choose ONE thing, it would be the deeper love connection that my wife and I have experienced since starting the lifestyle.  It grows everyday too, which is the most remarkable thing about it.

10) If you had to add one thing to your DD marriage that you don't currently do, what would you add?

  Silent spankings.  After much discussion with my wife about them, I decided they weren't for us, but they would definitely be handy in some situations.

11) If you had to subtract one thing from your DD marriage that you currently do, but would be willing to do away with, what would you remove?

  This is a trick question.  The truthful answer is that I wouldn't remove anything.  Anything I would remove has already been removed.  But, since my wife demands an answer on this one, my wife influenced answer is that I would do away with her rewarding ME at random times, for no reason.  It costs money, it's not her "role", and most times it's literally for no reason at all.  It's just an excuse for her to spoil me.  So that's what I would do away with.  You like that answer honey? :)

12) Are you aware of how much your wife loves you? :-)

  Indeed I am.  She tells me everyday.  The little notes she leaves in my work folders, laptop, phone, and other random places throughout the house absolutely make my day.  She's a sweetheart.  I hope she's aware of how much I love her as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks to my amazing husband for doing this interview, and to CowgirlUp for the suggestion! 

  

Random thoughts.

This week has been nothing short of hectic, like every other week it seems. 

My 1 Year No Spanking Challenge is well underway and I've almost passed the 1 month mark! 1 month almost down, 11 more months to go. Want to take the challenge with me? Comment on this entry, send me an email, whatever you want to do and we can all support each other in reaching the goal of not getting spanked for 1 year! :-) 

I'm adding new ways for people to contact me, by request, because it takes me weeks sometimes to respond to emails. Check the Contact Me page after you're done reading this, if you're interested.

Another random thing: This past week I took my son to the park. When I got there, it appeared to be empty. After all, it was the middle of a weekday afternoon and the weather wasn't exactly fantastic. I was on the phone as we arrived to the park, and I was walking, talking on the phone, and carrying my son over to the playground. I was on the phone with another DD wife and I said, not very quietly, "well, when my husband spanks me....". A few seconds later I turned my head, only to see a guy sitting in the picnic shelter just starring at me like "wow". He look stunned, and it was obvious he heard me. Talk about awkward. When I meant I'm open about DD, I meant that I'm open about it if people ask or if I have an open opportunity to explain it to people. Not just blurt it out to random strangers at the park! I really should watch my mouth, lol. It was totally awkward. Needless to say, my son and I didn't stay there very long, at all. 

Moving along.. this coming week I have a few blogs scheduled. I actually had a few scheduled this week too and I wondered why they didn't post. Then I looked and they were scheduled for 7/whatever day/2013. Yeah. Blonde moment. Sorry about that. They'll all be available this coming week for those who have asked. Sorry! 

Additionally, if you all could please send your thoughts and prayers to the victims and their families of the Colorado Theater Shooting that would be very appreciated. It's a horrific situation. :-(

 

I hope everyone had a great weekend! 

-Chelsea

A Great New Book

I'll admit, I've never been one that reads DD fiction. I actually didn't even read many DD blogs up until a couple of months ago! But, I have to say, I'm glad I checked out the "DD literature world" so to speak. I'm now hooked on blogs, and have found myself reading several DD stories over the past couple months.

It all started when my friend "Pooky" (from CDD For Life? Pooky's Story) let me know that she'd written a 2-part book series and asked if I'd read it for her. If I was going to start reading anyones DD fiction books, it was going to be hers. I love the way she writes on her blog, so I knew I'd love her books too. And, I was right.

The 2 part series is called Choices, and it's perfectly named (as well as excellently written). The book is about a girl named Jessie who is happily married. Her husband brings up domestic discipline out of the blue after a big argument and before long they're practicing it as part of their daily life. Gabe (Jesse's husband) asks her to do a one year trial period and the book follows their domestic discipline journey, and the choices she makes along the way. In the second book (Choices Part 2) it continues to follow the couples fictional DD journey and the hardships, emotions, happy times, bad times, and everything in between that comes with DD.

 I don't want to give too much away about the books, but there's a general idea. Since I'd never read many DD fiction (ok, so I hadn't read any) I wasn't sure what to expect. But, let me tell you, I was really into it! I read the first book in just under a day. For some reason, I couldn't stop reading it. Maybe it's because I saw a little of my husband and I in the book (the way her husband approached certain situations just sounded so similar to my own), I don't know. But, whatever the reason was, I'm truly glad I read them. The second book I finished in a really quick time frame too, and liked it equally as much.

Probably the best part about these books is how accurately Pooky got the emotions that exist in a domestic discipline marriage to be displayed. I felt like I could truly relate to Jessie, and I think other women who read the book will feel the same (and, men can easily relate to Gabe, the HoH figure). The emotions that run through this book cover all the emotions that a real life DD couple would face. The bottom line is that it's written very well.

I'm curious to hear what you all think of Pooky's 2-part book series, which is available for sale by clicking on the links below. I'm telling you guys, it's worth a read. I'm hoping Pooky will write a 3rd part of the series that has now gotten me hooked.

Choices Part 1

 To download the eBook instantly, click here.

To download the eBook instantly, click here.

Also, you can read the first chapter of each of the books by clicking on the above link and then clicking "preview" underneath the book cover.

-Chelsea

50 Shades of Grey

A while back I posted about how spanking has gone mainstream. On the cover of Newsweek, tons of news programs like 20/20, Dateline, Nightline, and more. Interviews galore with the author of the now worldwide best seller of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. 

Image from Wikimedia

Now, the books aren't solely about spanking, nor are they about domestic discipline. I get that. But, does spanking exist? Yes. Does the book have some element of domestic discipline? Yes (but it's hidden..more on that in a moment). The fact that this sort of lifestyle (even though the books are much more BDSM) has gone mainstream is really cool to me.

So, when I first heard of these books, I was skeptical about reading them for numerous reasons. However, the popularity of these books kept increasing and week by week I saw it as the #1 book on the New York Times bestseller list. Finally, I caved in.

I'll admit, I've only read 1 book (out of the 3) so far. I probably should have waited to put up this post after I read all 3, but I've had a lot of inquiries as to what I thought of the book, so I decided to do it now. After I've read all 3, I'll re-review probably.

I didn't have very high expectations (at all) for the book. However, I must say, it was better than expected.

I won't give too much of it away for those who haven't read it yet, but want to. However, the basic idea is a young girl meets a successful businessman and they begin a relationship. However, he is very dominant and controlling (and she isn't used to it) and insists on the two of the implementing a contract in order for their relationship to go further. The contract details out expectations/rules, consequences, hard/soft limits, etc. I'll admit, it was pretty interesting considering I've never really seen a contract like that before.

The book is very sexual (there's your warning). It's also very graphic. I'll stop short at calling it porn, but I will say that unless they very  heavily edit the movie that they're planning on making around this book, it will, no doubt be given over an R rating. 

Still, the book raises a lot of questions. The biggest one I have is that if people appear to be so against the idea of rules and punishments (whether sexually based, like BDSM or non-sexually based like DD) then why is this book a) getting great ratings (out of over 7,000 reviews on Amazon.com, over 3,300 of them rated it 5 stars..and that's just on one website) b) gaining popularity like you wouldn't believe. 

Lets face it, this topic fascinates people. 

The book is not about domestic discipline. Let me just put that out there. The 2 characters in the book do not have a domestic discipline relationship. So, will the popularity of this book increase the popularity of couples doing domestic discipline? Probably not by much. 

However, the book does have moments that are a little "DD-like". Example: He threatens that she won't be able to sit if she doesn't listen. The entire book isn't sexual, although a very large majority of it is. But, would I recommend it? Yes. 

If you read the books, please don't read them in order to use them as like "advice" books for your own marriage. That would be a bad idea. Also, don't read them if you're offended by sex. Don't read it if you are expecting it to be about domestic discipline. However, it is an interesting read, and I'd be curious to hear what ya'll think of it.

So, have you read the books? What do you think?

Also, I have the 2nd and 3rd books downloaded onto my Kindle, but haven't read them yet. Once I do, I'll update this post.

Until then, if you're interested in reading, you can buy 50 Shades of Grey on Amazon (or virtually any other site, or at any bookstore).  


I'm curious to hear your thoughts!

How Popular is DD?

First off, Happy 4th of July! I know I'm a day late, but we were so busy yesterday and I totally forgot to put up a post. We had an absolutely wonderful 4th of July, and I hope everyone else did as well.

I've always wondered how popular domestic discipline is. I guess it's the "research brain" part of me or the fact that I love statistics. But either way, I have always wondered how many people truly practice. However, because a very large majority of those who practice domestic discipline keep it under such tight wraps, I don't think there has been any concrete data released on the subject (which sucks because I really want to know!)

However, what I can say is this..

There are many different forms of domestic discipline. I think when a lot of people hear the term domestic discipline they automatically think "husband gives wife rules, if wife breaks them she gets spanked". That isn't always the case. In fact, there are numerous relationships/marriages/arrangements out there that fall into the domestic discipline category, but don't include spanking at all. Simply speaking, domestic discipline is anytime one spouse becomes the "leader" of the house (whether unintentional or intentional) and puts down rules or guidelines (whether unintentional or intentional) for the other spouse and if those are not followed some form of punishment ensues. A lot of marriages probably don't even realize that they're operating under "domestic discipline". Take this for example..

When I was in grad school (and hadn't yet truly heard of domestic discipline, definitely didn't practice it, and if I had heard about it at that point, I would have wanted nothing to do with it) I had a close friend who had recently gotten married. To this day, I'm convinced that neither her, or her new husband, had any knowledge of domestic discipline. But that's beside the point.

Her and I spent probably 4 out of 7 days a week together (studying, shopping, decorating her new house, etc) and got to know each other really well. One day, we went out shopping and she went a tad bit overboard (actually, a lot overboard if you would have asked her husband). Both of us didn't really think anything of it. Later that evening, we went back to her house and her new husband saw an entire trunk full of shopping bags. His response was the usual "what on earth were you thinking?" "seriously we haven't even made our first mortgage payment yet!" and then it came..."if you can't be responsible with credit cards maybe you shouldn't even have them!" and he marched over to her wallet and took them out.

Now, for us "DD wives" this scenario wouldn't really be out of the ordinary. You break a rule, you lose privileges. However, for my friend, it was out of the ordinary. I even asked her, later down the road, if he'd ever done that before and she replied no. There were several further statements she made that fully convinced me, over the years, that her, nor her husband really had any idea what DD was and more than likely drew the line at punishments right then and there are removing her credit cards. There was never a set rule list created, nor any sort of punishment list (so to speak). But, she lost her credit cards. And, do I believe that pretty much any husband would do that, DD or not? Absolutely. 

The point here is that domestic discipline exists everywhere. It may not be the form of domestic discipline you are used to, it may not be labeled as domestic discipline, and it may not be easy to "spot" and that's ok. But, it's out there.

I know it is so hard to wrap your head around "what if other people found out we practiced dd!?". I get that and I'm not saying "well now everyone should feel comfortable sharing it!" because that's totally unrealistic. 

What I am saying is that you aren't alone. There are forms of domestic discipline in a very high number of marriages. Some may be microscopically small and some may run rampant. Regardless, any marriage that has a leader is going to have some form of domestic discipline. You may totally disagree with me all you want, but look past domestic discipline as being about spanking, set in stone rules or designated punishments. 

It is very easy to feel alone in the domestic discipline lifestyle, partly because you (and others) choose to be so private about it that you are afraid to talk about it with others, and partly because you don't know where to look for support.  

The point of this entire post is that you aren't alone. There are small (or large) forms of domestic discipline (probably not called by that name, or any name though) in a significant number of relationships. I guarantee it. Now, the number that include spanking? That number probably greatly decreases. But nonetheless, domestic discipline is out there in full force.

 

Just some sentences :-)

Our first vacation since we had our son = total success! We had a blast. It was an adjustment waking up this morning and not having the beach 10 steps from our bedroom, but we'll be ok. :-) Although I'm not super happy to be back to "real life" now and really don't want my husband to return to work tomorrow, we had an awesome time and can't wait for our next trip. 

My "one year of no punishment" challenge (that I created for myself, lol) is well underway. I started it 2 weeks ago (after this) and so far so good! Even though it's only been about 2 weeks, it's going great. I haven't even had any warnings since then! Success! Only 50 more weeks to go. 

In other news, I'm once again way behind on emails. If you emailed me recently (or, since like April, lol) I am going to work on getting back with you this week. I know I also have a lot of comments that have went without a response so I will work on catching up on that as well. Also, I haven't forgotten about my weekly roundups either. :-)


I've got a few posts scheduled for this week (and upcoming weeks) but if there's something specific you'd like to see, feel free to leave in a comment. 

Although I miss being on vacation, it feels great to be back. :-)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend everyone!
-Chelsea