Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The LDD Interview with my husband!

A commenter, CowgirlUp, on my husbands blog left us a great idea to interview each other for our blogs. Well, we've finally gotten around to it and we thought it was a great idea! 

So, I wrote up some interview questions for my husband this week, and he did the same for me. I must say, some of the questions were harder than I thought! If you want to read his questions, and my answers, check them out here! 

Below is the interview with my husband. Thanks to CowgirlUp for the great idea. :-) Enjoy everyone!

1) What motivated you to start Learning Domestic Discipline?
  I started Learning Domestic Discipline because I was extremely frustrated with the way the lifestyle was portrayed, understood, and exploited on the internet.  It was frustrating to me to see how so many people thought this lifestyle was some kind of fantasy, or some kind of fetish that people did for their own personal agendas.  That really drove me crazy and still does quite honestly.  I wanted to explain to people and show them that there really are those of us out there who take this lifestyle seriously and don't consider it a game whatsoever.

  Also, when I was trying to research the lifestyle myself, I couldn't find anything that was very helpful (other than our DD counselor at the time).  I was looking for help on how to make our DD practices even better and make our marriage even stronger.  When I couldn't find anything like that, I decided it was time to start my own website/blog.  I felt I had enough knowledge on the subject and enough experience with the lifestyle that I could offer a website that was instructional, informative and helpful about Domestic Discipline rather than sexual, personal, and exploitable

2) What are your goals for Learning Domestic Discipline in the next few months, and few years?
  I have a vision of Learning Domestic Discipline being the primary resource for those considering Domestic Discipline, as well as a primary resource for those that currently practice Domestic Discipline.  I'd like LDD to be an "intersection", if you will, of all the resources a DD couple would want or need to enhance their DD lifestyle.  I'd like to have numerous networks that are area specific (like an LDD Western USA Network, an LDD Eastern USA Network,  an LDD England Network, an LDD Australia Network, etc.), I'd like to have a singles network for those looking for others in this lifestyle, I'd like to have an "LDD Shop" where couples can purchase spanking implements, the books that my wife and I write, instructional videos, etc., just to name a few things I have in mind.

  I'd also like to promote local DD support groups.  I'd love to have a section of LDD listing the various local support groups with their contact information so people can join these groups in their area.

  As you can see, the sky is the limit with LDD, but the difficult part is keeping everything reputable and clean.  I don't want to cross into the BDSM side of this lifestyle simply to get "bigger".  That may hinder the potential growth of LDD, but that's a choice I'm always going to stand by.  I want people to trust LDD and be comfortable with anything under the LDD name by keeping things mature, clean, and smut-free.  That's the reputation I hope I've established, and the reputation I plan to keep for LDD.

  Growth of the current LDD Network is relatively slow.  We've just hit 115 members, which is wonderful, but it's going to take a great deal of time to do what I want to do with it all.  These things may never end up happening, but I'd love for LDD to be the primary "name" that represents this lifestyle, much to the dismay of my haters.  Only time will tell.

3) A lot of people seem to think you are strict. Do you think you are, or would you say you're more lenient?
  I think I lean a little further to the strict side.  I don't expect perfection by any means, but I DO expect my wife to behave appropriately in all situations.   If I can do so, I feel as though she should be able to do so as well.  And, 95% of the time, she does.  She does a great job.

4) What would you say is the worst part and hardest part of being an HoH?

  Spanking and spanking.  I hate spanking my wife.  Absolutely hate it.  I do it to protect her from herself, to protect our family, and to help my wife be the best person, wife, and mother that she can possibly be.  The results from spanking are nothing short of amazing, but there's no question that spanking is the most difficult part of this lifestyle for me.  I hate to do it, but I have to if I want my wife and my family to thrive.

5) What would you say is the best part and the easiest part of being an HoH?

  The best part is knowing that my wife respects me and supports my decisions.  There isn't anything better than that.  Knowing my wife will always stand beside me no matter what is an extremely comforting feeling.  I've known many men that have wives that show them zero respect, and they're clearly devastated by it.  Some wives walk all over their husbands and it obviously makes their husbands miserable.  I'm glad my wife respects me enough to not do such a thing, and I think DD plays a strong part in keeping that balance.

  I don't think there is anything easy about being an HoH.  There's a lot of stress and a lot of pressure that comes with it.  If I had to choose ONE thing though, I suppose it would be rewarding my wife.  I don't do it often, purposely, so that when I DO reward her it is much more meaningful.  But it's easy to reward my wife.  I know what she loves and appreciates, so if she has earned a reward, it doesn't take long for me to decide what it should be.  I love seeing her happy.

6) What's the best piece of advice you have for people just beginning DD or looking into DD?
  Don't get frustrated.  That's the easiest way to put it.  It takes time to truly get things mastered in the best way that works for your relationship/marriage.  There also may be a stint where the HoH is inconsistent.  I'm starting to think this happens to everyone.  Don't get upset, don't get frustrated, and definitely do not get angry.  You've got to work together with your spouse.  You just have to.  It can take months to get this DD stuff mastered.  Years, even.  It takes time, patience, and understanding.  Don't get discouraged and don't give up so easily.  Your spouse and your marriage deserve your commitment to the lifestyle.

  I would also recommend surrounding yourself with people who also practice Domestic Discipline.  New couples often feel alone since they don't have anyone to talk to about it, so finding a group that understands what you're going through and that can offer support for you can really go a long way.  I know those aren't easy to find either, but if you can do that as a new couple, you're one step ahead of everyone else just starting out.

  And lastly, don't be afraid to try new things (like new implements, or the Capsaicin Cream, etc.) or take the next steps in DD.  You've already agreed to the lifestyle and you're already seeing benefits from practicing.  That's wonderful, but if you keep things the same month after month and year after year, you'll become accustomed to how things are done and your progress will stop.  The only way you're going to progress and grow as a couple is to try new and different things.  If they don't work for you, that's alright.  They don't work.  Throw them out of what you do.  But if the DO work, you'll be so glad you took that leap of faith and gave something new a try.

7) When you aren't working on the LDD blog, network, or upcoming LDD things, what do you do with your free time and what do you like to do online?
  You're assuming I have free time after all that?  Ha!  Laughable.

  Seriously though, if I'm not working on something LDD related, I'm spending time with my family.  It's a bit clichè, but it's the truth.  We go to parks, lakes, fairs, sporting events, the beach, and other things like that when we can.

  Online I do a lot of reading.  I read a lot about the NFL and other sports.  I read a lot about my favorite bands.  I read a lot of blogs.  I read Twitter.  I don't really do much else online that isn't related to LDD. 

8) If you could trade places with one person in the world for one day, who would it be? (warning: cutest answer in the world alert!!)
  If it's only for one day, it would be my wife.  I would want to know what it feels like to be the most incredible person on the planet, even if just for one day.  It would also give me a greater appreciation of everything she does in one day, and she deserves all the appreciation I can possibly give her.

9) What is the most rewarding part about DD in your marriage?

  It's hard to pinpoint one specific thing.  This is a great question.  There are so many benefits, but if I had to choose ONE thing, it would be the deeper love connection that my wife and I have experienced since starting the lifestyle.  It grows everyday too, which is the most remarkable thing about it.

10) If you had to add one thing to your DD marriage that you don't currently do, what would you add?

  Silent spankings.  After much discussion with my wife about them, I decided they weren't for us, but they would definitely be handy in some situations.

11) If you had to subtract one thing from your DD marriage that you currently do, but would be willing to do away with, what would you remove?

  This is a trick question.  The truthful answer is that I wouldn't remove anything.  Anything I would remove has already been removed.  But, since my wife demands an answer on this one, my wife influenced answer is that I would do away with her rewarding ME at random times, for no reason.  It costs money, it's not her "role", and most times it's literally for no reason at all.  It's just an excuse for her to spoil me.  So that's what I would do away with.  You like that answer honey? :)

12) Are you aware of how much your wife loves you? :-)

  Indeed I am.  She tells me everyday.  The little notes she leaves in my work folders, laptop, phone, and other random places throughout the house absolutely make my day.  She's a sweetheart.  I hope she's aware of how much I love her as well.

Thanks to my amazing husband for doing this interview, and to CowgirlUp for the suggestion! 



  1. This is a great interview! I love both of your blogs and am new to DD. I have a follow up question if I may :)

    Where do you suggest finding another couple that practices DD for support? My husband has asked that we keep this part of our lives private (with people we already know and face to face) for obvious reasons, but I'm finding a hard time looking for people (other than your blogs) to connect with as we are starting out.

    1. Thank you!

      There's a few ways you can find others to connect with. The first is by reading blogs, which it sounds like you already do, and "making friends" with the blog writers. A lot of times people (like me) are more than happy to introduce you into our little circle of DD friends, and from there, a great support system grows.

      We also have a DD network which has several members and is a great way to meet and chat with other people, and make friends that way.

      Also, there are a few DD forums out there where you can meet friends.

      Hope this helps!


  2. I luv these interviews! So glad you took the time to do them. You guys obviously put a lot of thought into them. Thank you for that. It was very neat to say the least.

    1. Thanks Pooky! Glad you liked them.


  3. Hey Chelsea, this was great. You are both so very lucky to have each other. Thank you for sharing with us and always inspiring us to improve. I like the idea of meeting other couples in the lifestyle in person too. How could that be arranged? Maybe there could be a "conference" of some sort in the future. Just a thought...

    1. Thanks Liz!

      A conference would be cool. I think, eventually, we'll have smaller groups of people (based on regions) and do some sort of meet up that way. It's a great idea though, no doubt.


  4. Chelsea-Thanks for the shout out! I didn't expect you to mention me and you didn't have to, but I appreciate it. I love the interviews, you two did a great job. Your marriage is such a wonderful example of DD. It gives everyone reading both your blogs so much hope for their own relationship. Keep doing what you're doing!

    1. Thank you Cowgirl Up, and also, thanks for the idea! It was a great one. :)


  5. What a neat idea! And the answer to question 8 was incredibly sweet. :)

    You two seem to have such a neat relationship. It's great to see!

  6. Hi Chelsea, thanks so much for sharing. You both obviously put allot of thought into these interviews and have a fantastic marriage. It's great to read your own personal perspectives on DD. Kudos to Cowgirl too for the suggestion.

    I am fairly new to DD and your blogs are a fantastic resource. Maybe I should ask my husband some questions on my blog.

    BTW - I just love the answer to question 8 - very cute :)

    1. Thanks Roz! I'm glad you liked it!

      I agree, question 8 is too cute.


  7. Awesome job, Chelsea! It was a great idea for a post for both of you and you did a wonderful job at asking and answering the questions!

  8. How did you find a DD counselor? Was he or she a
    minister or psychologist? Did you seek out a DD counselor or did a counselor suggest DD when your relationship issues came out?

    Also, was spanking ever a part of the fantasy life of either one of you? I have long had spanking fantasies, and now a variety of spanking and one sort of DD experience. We are starting DD and I dint know if my history of fantasy with spanking will make me hate the reality. Or maybe I will love it because of my fantasies. Any advice?

    1. The DD counselor was actually just a personal friend of ours, who happened to be a marriage and family therapist, and was "pro-DD", and practiced it in his own marriage, so he had some great tips for us when we were first beginning our DD journey.

      To answer your second question- no, spanking wasn't a fantasy for either of us. It was actually something that we never really discussed until we had heard of DD.

      I think, in your situation, it's one of those "you won't know til you try" sort of situations but I will tell you that DD is, more than likely, not going to be like the fantasy that you may read about in fictional stories. So, if you go into DD in your own marriage with that fantasy, you might be disappointed.


  9. How sad that your husband hates spanking you. It would really depress me if I thought my husband hated spanking me. i can't understand how anyone can bear to have a DD relationship if they feel that way about spanking. It must be sheer torture.


    1. Louise,

      I've read your comment about 15 times now, and I can't, for the life me, understand how you feel the way you do.

      To me, I'd have a much harder time if my husband absolutely loved to spank me. That, to me, would be way more concerning. But, hey, to each their own. :)