Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Discrimination in DD

Before I start, I want to preface this entry with a couple of things. The first is that my intention is not to make the focus of this post to be about the person losing business, getting hate mail or anything along those lines. For that reason, I have chosen not to name the site I am referring to in the below entry. 


I'm not a "drama person", at all. I hate it. My point behind posting this is to bring awareness to the fact that discrimination exists in domestic discipline and I guess I was completely naive for the fact that I didn't expect it to happen unless the person was waving a red flag to every single person they come across saying "hey, I practice DD!". For the record, although my husband and I are open about DD (meaning we don't go to great lengths to hide the fact it's a part of our marriage) I don't wave that red flag. So before any one person leaves me a comment or sends me an email informing me that me being open about DD is clearly the problem here..it isn't. 


Alright, now, to the story.


As some of you may have noticed, my blog got a mini-makeover this past weekend. I was getting a little tired of the boring plain pink layout, and I wanted something different. As a side note, the one I currently have up is a temporary one until I have time to write an HTML code on my own.


So, when I sat down last weekend to redo my blog, I really didn't have the time to spend 4+ hours (at least) writing the HTML code for it, and doing it myself let alone the hours it would take me to perfect it since I'm a major perfectionist. I just wanted something quick. So, I started browsing around sites of freelance blog designers and came across one I recognized because she had designed some non-DD blogs that I read. 


I sent her an email inquiring on pricing for her to design me a quick blog layout. We emailed back and forth a few times (which you'll see in just a moment) but what I never expected was the end result. I thought the end result would be me paying a few hundred dollars and getting a cool new blog layout. It wasn't.


Below are the actual emails (completely 100% unaltered, other than editing out the name of her site). The emails I sent are in purple and the emails she sent are in green.


Hi Becky,


My name is Chelsea, and I found your website through several friends of mines blogs/websites that you have designed. I was wondering if you had some time in your schedule to code a blog layout for me. I'm not 100% sure what I want, but I'm open to ideas/suggestions. Just something summer-like


Anyway, I love your work. :-) So, if you could please get back with me on a quote for a layout, header, and sidebar title tags that would be awesome. Thank you so much and enjoy your holiday weekend!


-Chelsea


Hey Chelsea!!!!


Thanks for your email and kind words regarding my design services. I would love to put together a price quote for you. Do you have a budget in mind? Also, could you send me a link to your blog currently so I could see approx how many blog entries, photos, links/tags, etc. you have so  I know how much time I would need to transfer everything over, how many sidebar tags you would need and what tabs you want coded? And also, is it hosted on Blogger or Word Press or another platform? I will put together a quote and a few samples you could browse through and let me know if theres anything you like!


Becky


Hi Becky,


I was actually thinking that if you didn't have enough time or if it would cut the cost down any, you don't have to worry about transferring all the entries, photos, etc. over. I can put the code live on the blog and do all that sort of stuff if you just want to code it for me. Whatevers easiest!


My blog is hosted on Blogger, although if you could make the code a general-use one that would be awesome. I am considering buying a domain name and creating my own site in the near future, but I'd like to still keep the blog part platformed with Blogger.


In terms of budget, I don't really have one but I was kind of wanting to keep it under $500 if possible. :-)


The link to my blog is http://www.knowingyourroles.blogspot.com 


Let me know if you need anything else.


Chelsea


Chelsea,


Thanks for the link to your current blog. Unfortunately, I don't think I'm going to spend the time putting together a quote for you nevertheless be able to create a layout for you.


I looked at your blog and I was appalled. The thought of a man (let alone your husband and someone who is supposed to love, cherish, and protect you from many things especially violence) creating rules and then punishing you like you are some sort of child or animal is sick and my heart hurts for you that you allow this to go on, let alone glamorize it in a blog.


I have never heard of a concept like this but I have to say if my hubby ever put his hands on me, let alone when he was unhappy with me, we would have a big problem. What happens when you decide the fun and games are over and you want a husband, not a disciplinarian? 


I don't know you but as a mother to a mother and a woman to a woman and a wife to a wife I urge you to seek help for your abusive marriage and please stop glamorizing it for others as if this is ok.


So no I won't be having anything to do with your blog other than placing it in a mental folder in my brain of the kind of wife I never want to become.


Please don't contact me again. I want nothing to do with someone who believes men and women aren't equal in a marriage and that a man honestly has the right to punish his wife. Lets face it, at the end of the day, I'm a respected, equal, wife to my husband and you are a doormat who doesn't who apparently doesn't mean much to anyone. 


This is just sick. A part of my heart breaks for you while the other wants to shake and scream at you for believing this is ok.


Becky


So that was it. I did send her one final email just asking if she had anything else to say before I put it up. As of now, she hasn't responded, but if she does, I will edit this post with her response.


You know, when it's all said and done, it's not like this really impacts my life so much. I mean, it's not like a job offer that just went out the window because of DD, or a house, or a preschool for our son or anything that actually matters. I can code my own blog layout, or find someone else to do it for me. I had every single intention of paying several hundred dollars (or more) for someone to code me a blog layout. The fact she passed up the opportunity simply because she thinks I'm a doormat who doesn't mean much to anyone is kinda sad, hurtful, and if she wants to talk about the words appalling and sickening, we can slip this in that folder as well.


The amazing part is when she asked for my blog URL and I responded, I didn't have second thoughts once. It never, ever crossed my mind that "omigosh, it talks about DD, and now she'll know you get punished. So, be careful giving it out to strangers". Not once. I typed it into that email to her as if I was typing a link to Google.com or any other everyday website. I guess I was naive to the fact that anyone would care. I asked her to code me a layout. I didn't ask for her to visit my blog, read everything, then NOT code me a layout and instead respond with a 6 paragraph editorial. 


So the moral of the story here is there are people that disagree with domestic discipline and I'm aware of that. What I was not aware of was how rude some people could be, or how discriminatory. So, lesson learned. Don't be so open about domestic discipline if you don't want to hear what the naysayers think. Got it.


The dilemma of "how open" or "how secretive/private" to be in a DD relationship seems to be a popular one and I don't want this type of thing to sway anyone to one side or the other. My point in posting this is simply to show that if discriminatory comments/emails/opinions can be given in such a low-key forum as this (a blog designer) then it can happen in much bigger ways too.


I'm not a big advocate on being extremely private on domestic discipline (but that's another entry, I guess). But at the same time, be careful who you tell because some people will apparently think you're worthless. 


Lesson learned.  


  

74 comments:

  1. Oh my- that jsut sucks! I can not even grasps the words to say what my heart thinks right now. how sad that she could look at your blog and not see the love.

    I think that she must be the one who is sick.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Agree! Anyone who reads my blog (and my husbands) and cannot see how blessed, in love, happy, etc. that we are is crazy (honestly). Either that, or they're choosing not to see it.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  2. It's interesting to me that this kind of harsh, aggressive, shaming response seems always to be directed toward the woman who is told she's being abused. There's usually the token I-urge-you-to-get-help sentence, and the rest is basically heaping scorn on the supposed victim. It just goes to show that the response isn't really one of compassion or even honest misunderstanding—it's the same deeply threatened feeling that leads to witch-burnings of all sorts. Make no mistake: there would be more laws against DD if more people knew about it.

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    1. Couldn't have said this better myself. You make some great points.

      Thank you for your extremely well-written comment.I agree with every word.

      -Chelsea

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  3. Sounds like someone needs DD.

    -- Clint

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    1. Perhaps it is you.....oh, I forgot you are a man so you are above such things. A penis does not make you superior or a great leader or a smarter person. I do not see love here on either of your blogs...I see a man who likes to dominate and a woman who is afraid to lose the love of her husband.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous- Has anyone ever taught you the phrase "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all?" Because right here is a situation where that phrase would directly apply.

      Beyond that, I can't comment to you any further because it would violate that "golden rule". :-) Thanks for your comment though. I find it fascinating that you take the time to read, and comment, on a blog regarding a subject that you are clearly against. Interesting.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  4. Chelsea, I am glad you are not in an abusive relationship, because if you were she could have just sent you over the edge. Hopefully, she sticks to blogs and doesn’t try her hand at counseling (Seriously!!!!) Perhaps she should take another look at your blog. I don’t see any signs of abuse. Looking at your blog, as well as your husband’s, it is clear that you two are in a very joyful and loving marriage. I am sorry that you got exposed to such a bitter person but even sorrier that she can’t step out of her box long enough to see that you didn’t need your marriage fixed, just your blog. Wow!
    -Bree

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    1. Bree,

      Having a masters degree in psychology and taking more classes that deal with abuse than you can even imagine- I'm so well aware of what the term "abuse" is, and my marriage, or ANY other DD marriage I've ever came across, is not that. I'm really glad you see that as well. :-)

      Your comment is awesome, like everything else you say. We need to catch up soon!
      -Chelsea

      Delete
  5. I agree with Kevan. I am a American female convert to Islam. Sometimes when I walk on the street I am treated by people with disrespect. You can see it in their eyes they believe you are a fool who has chosen a religion that oppresses you. Just as most people will not understand what benefits you could possibly receive from DD, most people would never believe that when I converted I felt liberated. The intimidation from men is the worst. What has always really bugged me is that not one person has every approached me to offer their concern or help who you could see thought I was oppressed. They usually just try to intimidate the one they believe is already oppressed. Stay stronge and don't let them bother you.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm sorry you've been treated disrespectfully as well. I hate to say that it's a part of our society nowdays, but it is, unfortunately. It shouldn't be that way.

      Thanks for your well written comment.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  6. I'm very sorry you had to deal with that kind of hatred and happy that you have your loving HoH.

    It is obvious that she did not really read your blog or any of the links or she would have seen the truth of the love and mutual respect that you and Clint have for one another. Doormat - now I know she just skimmed and didn't read - I just recently started following your blog but you are NOT a doormat by any definition of the word!

    As a woman who was in an extremely abusive marriage (and a lover of definitions), I am extremely offended that she would define DD and Domestic Violence as the same thing. I have to agree with Kevan and Anon May 29 9:23p - that kind of verbal abuse would have sent me crawling back into my shell.

    I also agree with Clint. ;-)

    PS: Have to wonder if she is just jealous because she doesn't have that type of relationship in her life.

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    1. Cat,

      I agree that it's obvious she didn't read my blog,or my husbands, or probably any other DD blog ever written. If she would have I think her response would have been different. She may not have agreed with the lifestyle still, or agreed to redesign my blog, and that's ok. But, I think what she would have done is at LEAST seen that it's a consensual, non-abusive, and loving marriage. If she STILL can't see that, then I honestly don't have another word other than unintelligent to describe it.

      I'm really sorry to hear you were abused. I agree that ANY abused woman who would have received a comment even remotely close to that would have just become a victim of emotional abuse herself. Telling someone you believe is abused that they "don't mean much to anyone" (among other things) is really not helpful (and that's the absolute nicest way I can put it).

      -Chelsea

      PS: I think a lot of people are jealous of this type of marriage, although they'll never admit it.

      Delete
  7. Actually I don't see how the CONTENT of your blog is any concern to her. Her job was merely to design and write the code for the APPEARANCE of your blog. So it sucks to be her cos she's the shallow closed-minded person that WE'RE all glad we're not. *hugs*

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  8. Oh Chelsea ... I have been there but they were real life people I knew. I know exactly how you feel with this one!
    ~Hugs~
    Lily

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    1. I'm sorry Lily. :( It really is hard, but I'm sure when it's with people you know personally it's even worse.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  9. Firstly, Clint haha!

    Secondly, Crikey! that is scary. I think I am in this little world thinking that everyone would be fine if I told them, and sometimes I come close, but this is exactly what I am afraid of happening.

    Thank you for sharing Chelsea.
    c

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    1. Honestly, 99.9% of the people in the world that I've told have been fine with it. They may not agree with it or choose to do it in their marriage, but the judgement level that they pass is virtually 0, and it's probably because they can see how happy we both are. Also, I think the more people read and educate themselves on this, the more they see that it isn't as crazy as they may think (I'll do an entry on this soon that further explains it).

      -Chelsea

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  10. So sorry that happened to you. :( I'm sure when you first read it it felt like someone had kicked you in the stomach. So sad.

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    1. It just made me sad that someone feels it's ok to talk to another person like that.

      -Chelsea

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  11. Chelsea,

    I am so sorry that she wrote this to you and can imagine how much it may have hurt you. It is obvious from reading your posts and Clint's that you two have a deep mutual respect, which she was clearly missing in her read-over. Apparently, she missed the part about free choice as well. As an obvious old wave feminist, she hasn't caught on to this idea of choice in the newer waves of feminism. The choice to take on more traditional roles in your relationship.

    This is what gets me mad about these people because they forget about biological needs. If this were a third world country, or people living out in nature without government, it's likely that these roles would be in place anyway for the sake of survival and reproduction. It's natural for a woman to want a man to be alpha and the leader. The only reason why she can follow her line of thought in the USA is because she is so far removed from the need to survive and her head has been filled with all these first world "problems."

    My last issue here is that on one end of the spectrum she is so for freedom, that is, freedom from your husband, yet, she wants to deny you your freedom of speech about your lifestyle. She's missing the fundamentals there because of all that she has been brainwashed into thinking.

    Sorry for the lengthy comment.

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    1. well put, that is exactly how my HOH sees it! It's also in the uK!

      Delete
    2. Don't apologize for the lengthy comment! It was extremely well written, and it's one that I hope everyone thoroughly reads and comprehends because you make some great points.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  12. Wow, i agree with clint lol! But in all seriousness those kind of comments (ones she made towards you) make me so angry. Its one thing for her, or others, to not agree with something but to make judgement calls on someone by calling them a doormat that no one cares about, is seriously uncalled for! Grr. I think you handled it perfectly though, so good job on that!

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    1. Lol, thanks. This was a difficult situation, and one that I'd never been in before. It was beyond uncalled for, I agree. I don't expect everyone to agree with or accept this consensual lifestyle choice, but I do expect everyone to be respectful. I don't think that's a hard concept to comprehend.

      -Chelsea

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  13. If you think DD people get bad press, try practicing BDSM! Everyone’s “sick, twisted, mentally deranged, needs therapy…”!
    It is definitely easier to keep quiet about alternate lifestyles! I often hear things I disagree with from people close to me, but my personal choice is to keep quiet about it.
    I suppose we get used to discussing things freely with others in these lifestyles. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the way others feel – and will very vocally oppose.
    I’m in Australia, and I wouldn’t even know where to go to find others who practice DD. I would absolutely expect negative reactions from others.

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    1. I will be the first to admit that I don't know a lot about BDSM. I know a little about how it differs from DD, and the clear lines between the 2, but I don't know much about the lifestyle other than that. However, regardless of that, I would still never speak to someone in the way that she spoke to me. Ever..and with, or without, DD.

      DD is a worldwide concept (actually, sometimes I think it's more popular in overseas countries than it is here in America). However, it's also a very "hidden" or "private" concept that people employ in their marriages, so you'd be surprised- the reactions may not be as negative as you may think!

      -Chelsea

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  14. It's sad that someone can be so judgementmental in words when they obviously don't know what they are talking about. We need to be more accepting of eachother in life.

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    1. I agree Jim. You don't have to accept others choices, but I think you should at least TRY to word yourself in a respectful and/or mature manner.

      -Chelsea

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  15. Don't let the closed-minded voice of ignorance bother you even a bit. I'm a man who found your site while doing some quick research on "spanking" after my wife surprised me by telling me she is going to start spanking me. It's not about the gender of the spanker or spankee, it's about the constructive purpose spanking can serve in a consenting relationship. In my healthy marriage it happens to be the husband and in yours it is the wife who receives spanking and/or other forms of punishment and/or maintenance reminders to stay disciplined. Don't let anyone twist it into a gender stereotype when it's actually a chosen role arrangement between mature adults regardless of their respective genders.

    Thanks for publishing your well-written and insightful blog, which has been helpful to me in gaining some quick understanding on a topic I knew nothing about until recently.

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    1. Welcome to my site. Thanks for reading!

      I don't know much about female led relationships, or "reverse DD" as some call it, but wouldn't judge someone for it. Thanks for reminding us all that, at the end of the day, it is a marital tool (or even pre-marital tool for some) that is CHOSEN, not forced.

      Thank you for your comment, and if you have any questions, please let me know. Our lifestyles may differ slightly, but I'm always open to learning more about other people. :-)

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  16. aww I'm sorry that happened to you! I'm sure you will be able to find someone else to code your blog or even do it yourself for free! It's true people discriminate against anything and everything they don't understand. Some people find it scary to find someone who thinks differently than themselves and some people just don't know how to react. It doesn't make it better but it's how people are. I hope you had a good rest of the week! :) I hope you are on ladies chat night or on some time soon because I have SO MUCH to talk to you about that book if you've started it! :D

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    1. Like always, I agree with you JJ.

      And, you'll be excited to know that I've finally finished book 1! Lol! I'm going to do a blog entry on it soon.

      We definitely need to catch up. Email me and I'll give you my cell number. :-)

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  17. Not to mention the fact that she was completely unprofessional. It's great that she has so much work coming in that she can decline a job based on content. *insert eye roll here* I don't always love the projects I get when I freelance but really you go above content and morals or ethics or what not and do the job. Sorry if that sounds preachy.

    Also the fact that she is completely oblivious to the fact that Clint obviously adores you (love his blog too) and that you are a happy, healthy, awesome woman and not some wilting flower cowering under her bed like some very sad and hurting women. Grrr.

    I'll get off the soap box before I really go into abused relationships. I've seen way too many of my friends and family members suffer. Okay, I'm done, honest!
    Fondly,
    Addy and her soap box

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    1. Addy,

      Perfectly written. Unprofessional at its max.

      The label of "abuse" is really driving me crazy.

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  18. Wow! That is the first word to pop into my brain. Everyone's entitled to their opinions I guess and I've read these types of opinions when I was researching Dd, so I knew it was out there already.

    I think you handled this situation well. In the end you really don't need her.

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    1. Thanks Suzie! I tried. :-)

      -Chelsea

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  19. Everyone is entitled to their own oppinions and after reading your blog comments here are mine, the lady mentioned who was appauled at your request; would benefit emmensly from a good bare bottomed Spanking/Caning ASP..

    Correction Man.

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    1. Lol.

      It's not really my "role" or place to say who needs to be spanked and who doesn't, but I can say that she would benefit from at least educating herself as to what the words unprofessional, abuse, domestic discipline, disrespectful, and condescending mean. :-)

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  20. Chels- This is so messed up. It’s clear there's a lot of anger on this woman's behalf that is based on other things and misdirected at you (one too many WS classes, I think?). You're so right, if you really thought someone was being abused how on earth would you think it was a good idea to tell them you want to shake them and scream at them? To say this email lack professionalism is an understatement. This woman was clearly not coming from a place of loving concern or empathetic understanding. It sucks that people are quick to judge things that they feel infringe on their world view without doing their research or having an open discussion about it. :( Thanks for sharing this though—I think it’s a good reminder for all of us to remember that this kind of prejudice exists. I will say, knowing you both, that you are an amazing couple and your dynamic is about the furthest thing from abusive I've ever seen!! You also have the cutest son on the planet ;) Sophie

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    1. Your comment is awesome, Sophie. Our discussion of WS classes was priceless. Just another one of the 1,000,000 things we have in common. We need to do lunch again ASAP.

      My "cutest son on the planet" misses you!

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  21. Wow, I'm sorry you had to go through that! I have to but it was in real life so I know how it feels. My husband and I are very careful about who we tell. I van assure you it won't be the last time you experience negativity towards DD. {{Hugs}}

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    1. You're right, Elizabeth. It probably won't be the last time (unfortunately) that I experience negativity regarding DD, and that's ok. Sorry you've been through it as well!
      -Chelsea

      Delete
  22. Wow. I am so sorry Chelsea. I'm here in Seattle where sometimes I think the motto is "let your freak flag fly" except of course if you are an intelligent woman of faith who happens to believe in respect. You know respect for others and your husband. Little things ;) my husband and I have just recently started this DD journey (as of last week) and I have found it anything but abusive. Subjugation is abuse, submission is a gift. One is coerced the other freely given. I hope lil miss too liberal for her britches will someday find a mon strong enough to tame her... or maybe a bit of Shakespeare is in order ;)

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    1. Welcome to the DD lifestyle! I hope it's going well for you guys. If you need anything, let me know.

      I agree that I hope, one day, she finds someone who is willing to show her what DD truly is. I hope someone teaches her respect, since she clearly has not quite got that down. :-)

      -Chelsea

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  23. Chelsea,

    I wish I could say that this surprises me. Unfortunately, I have heard many responses similar to this in the seven and half years we've been living this lifestyle. I once had someone compare women DDers to the women of Afganistan who lived under the rule of the Taliban. She gave me detailed information about how the Taliban treated and punished their women, and then took my loving marriage and made, what she concluded, were similar comparisons.
    I once read on a DD site that a woman's neighbors found out she and her husband lived a domestic discipline marriage and had contacted social services trying to get their two young daughters taken out of the house. I was appalled when I read this. I assumed, as most of us would, that this couldn't possibly be taken seriously. However, social services did come knocking on their door to talk with she and her husband. They were apparently disturbed enough by DD and the message they felt it conveyed to these girls, that they filed a petition. . This poor couple now has mandatory semi annual court appointed visits by a social worker for the supposed safety of the girls. I couldn't believe this could happen ..... especially here in America.

    For whatever reason, people can have very angry responses to DD. I always assumed it was due to misunderstanding the concept, but have come to the conclusion that most just don't want to understand it. They already have preconceived ideas and prejudice that is sometimes impossible to break through. I honestly have given up trying. I am thankful that you and Clint have not. For I truly believe that education is the key to changing this mind set.

    So glad you are not letting her close-minded ignorance upset you. You know what kind of marriage you have ....
    And your happiness gives you the last laugh.

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    1. It surprised me how fast the conversation turned, and went downhill. But, unfortunately the negativity didn't surprise me. The disrespect and unprofessionalism, however, did. You've been practicing DD a little bit longer than I have, so I'm sure you've experienced it a little more, and I'm sorry for that. Comparing DD to women who live under the Taliban rule is so absolutely ridiculous I don't even know where to start. That's awful about SS getting involved. I have no idea how that particular couple practiced DD, but assuming it was done legally/consensually, then my heart really does go out to them.

      Thanks for your comment. :-)

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  24. What Many 'anti-DD' people fail to notice is that quite frequently, we, the wives are presenting this lifestyle to our husbands. Mature, educated, professional women!
    I am not a battered woman, my husband would NEVER lay hands on me in that manner.
    Our marriage & relationship has improved by leaps & bounds! So if having a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage w/ our kids happy b/c we don't fight all the time, makes me whatever people want to call me, so be it.

    The fact that this lady was so quick to judge tells me that she is rather small minded & lacks intelligence. A more well rounded individual would have taken time to research before jumping to conclusions!

    Keep up the great work Chelsea!

    Jayden

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    1. Jayden,

      It really does amaze me how this is, often times, something that the wife presents to her husband. I would say 75-85% of the time that really is the case. I agree that it's something a lot of people fail to realize, especially people who cannot comprehend this lifestyle.

      I'm really glad DD is helping your marriage!

      -Chelsea

      Delete
  25. I'm so sorry you had this experience but I am not surprised. It took me years to accept the yearning for this type of relationship in myself and I was ashamed of my urges. And I am educated, sophisticated and one of the most accepting, broad minded people you will ever meet. I think people react so strongly because in so many places-including our own country-women have no choice, and have fought very hard to have it. There is a huge chasm between people like us who CHOOSE this life and women who have no choice. Punishment would take on a very different meaning. Hang in! Youa re here among good friends.

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    1. It took me a VERY long time to accept domestic discipline when I first heard about it too.

      You are probably right about why people react so strongly to it.

      -Chelsea

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  26. Sorry you had to experience that. God that sucks. I am pretty sure something like that would stick with me too. But in the end, apparently she is not very professional, and therefore you should be glad you didn't support her in any way by paying her. That is how I would see it at least, after I vented for a few days...

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    1. You're exactly right. That's definitely how I saw it, in the end. :-)

      -Chelsea

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  27. I'm pretty new to your blog (and your hubbys blog as well) but I took the time to read through both of them. I've always known that I wanted this type of marriage but never had the right words for it, and to be honest I've been afraid of being labeled a "freak" and have worried what my husband would think of me for this. Your blogs have helped me soooo much to accept myself and I really could not ever find the words to thank you both for that, in a way both of you have given me the gift of finding myself :) and I thank you both do much for that!!

    As for this post I will tell you that it has also given me something, it has given me the strength I need to finally get the nerve to sit down with my husband and have "the talk". I'm a person who will always stand up for what I believe in and seeing how this woman treated you makes me want to scream the DD praises from rooftops so everyone in the world will know of it, but I think I will start with letting my husband know ;) lol

    Again I can't thank you both enough for your wonderful blogs and I hope you will also pass my thanks on to your hubby :)

    ~Kelly H.~

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    1. Kelly,

      Thank you so much for your comment. I'm really glad that my blog (and my husbands) has helped you. Good luck talking to your husband and if you need anything, or have any questions, feel free to contact me.

      Best of luck!
      -Chelsea

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  28. Apparently she won't work on a website when she disapproves of the content and felt strongly enough about it to turn away your business when she could have made some money. I didn't find her rude; passionate, yes. She is as passionate about her viewpoint as you are about yours, although they are polar opposite viewpoints. I don't think many people are going to understand the lifestyle. I think more could understand the BDSM in general than domestic discipline, although perhaps she would turn a BDSM site down as well. To each their own. I do give you props for being open and not hiding your lifestyle.

    Susan

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    1. Susan,

      I don't see anything, at all, wrong with turning down work when it's regarding something that you don't agree with. Perhaps I didn't make that clear in my original post. The problem I had was NOT that she didn't work on my blog. the problem I had WAS that she was extremely rude about it. Some of the insults thrown in her message I feel like were SO far out of line it's ridiculous. "Passionate" does not equal blatant disrespect, rude, condescending and inappropriate actions, in my opinion.

      -Chelsea

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  29. Actually, I kind of have to say that to have the convictions to turn down a job because you object to the content requires some courage -- how many people turn down a job because it violates their conscience? You have to admire that.

    It is possible that she may have not completely understood the blog, also. Most Christians would not object to DD, I'm sure, because it places the marriage relationship in its Biblical order. What they would object to is the sordid dark world. Even though it didn't work for me (at least not yet, we're back together again, my fingers are crossed), I fully support DD. But I would never agree to aid and abet anything that I believed was sinful.

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    1. Like I stated in the comment above..I don't mind, at all, that she turned down working on my blog because she didn't agree with the content. I agree with you that standing up for what you believe in is a great thing. :-) It's something that I do every day.

      The problem I had was how rude she was about it. Like I stated above, some of the things she said I just found to be completely disrespectful. That is not how you speak to someone, ANYONE, period.

      -Chelsea

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  30. I am sorry that someone had such a negative response to you. I do not feel that what you are doing is deserving of such a negative response, though I am biased. I am grateful that you and your husband have been so dedicated to bogging regarding DD it has helped me in ways I am sure you can understand. I know that your efforts are valued among those in the DD community and I just want to say you are appreciated!!
    Sending Smiles and Hugs following such a negative experience,
    Melanie

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    1. Thanks Melanie! I appreciate your comment. I'm glad our blogs have helped you!
      -Chelsea

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  31. I don't know if she was jealous or not, I think she was just a rude judgemental person. I have come across many like that lately. I do think she wouldn't be like that if she had a man who care about her welfare and realtionship enough to step up and protect them. I'm sorry this happened to you and like I told you on twitter, I have been there and know how it feels.

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    1. Sorry you've been in a similar situation Sarah! I agree, it may (or may not) be jealously, but what I know for sure is that it was really disrespectful.

      -Chelsea

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  32. Please, people, she had every right to turn down the job. Was she impolite about it? Yes, but you have to admit that to many people out there, DD is shocking and sounds like thinly-veiled abuse. I had the same reaction when I first heard about it so I researched it on line. I found many DD bloggers blaming feminism for the downfall of society and advocating the submission of women as the only way. I also found many comments inferring that critics of DD are just jealous and wish that THEY could have that kind of relationship. Uh, excuse me, but that is NOT the case for most women who question the philoisophy behind DD! As a feminist, I believe that you have every right to practice DD, if it is truly what you want and need in your relationship. But comments like "that woman needs to be caned" or "she must not have a man who cares about her" just feed into the negative stereotypes that you are trying to overcome.

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    1. She had every right to turn down the job, yes.

      Yes, she was impolite about it. (and that's a TOTAL understatement)

      DD is shocking to some. To call it thinly-veiled abuse is slightly ridiculous, I think.

      I'm glad you researched it. I'm not sure WHERE you researched it, to make a statement as you did above, but I'm glad you at least have.

      Feminism is not the downfall of society. Rude people, however? That's a different story.

      Not all DD critics are jealous. I get that.

      I'm glad you see that people have the right to practice DD.

      I agree that comments such as the ones you listed aren't exactly polite, although I don't think they are feeding into the negative stereotypes that DD'ers are trying to overcome.

      -Chelsea

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  33. Aww im sorry you were treated so unkindly, and it is very disheartning when somthing that you have chosen to do, is mocked and rediculed by one who clearly does not have clue- I am inclined to agree with Clint here, perhaps she would benefit from DD.

    Personaly our marrige and relationship, has become so much richer, and we are closer than ever. Ive met some really great friends on the network - two of whom my hoh and I are meeting .....added to this I am also friends with DDrs from the network on Twitter.

    However I am very cautious who I share this intimate part of our marriage with,so far the number is 0.

    LOL here is a thought what if her husband read the comment and thought " this sounds like somthing my wife would benefit from, I am going to investigate this DD further, she needs an atitude ajustment".


    Warmest Wishes

    His Princess

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    1. Disheartening is a great word for it. Thanks, His Princess. :-)

      I don't blame you for being cautious, but I'm so glad that DD has helped you and your marriage.

      -Chelsea

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  34. Just perusing your blog. I think it is honestly bizarre that a website coder / designer would express an opinion about the content of the website.

    Actually, I was thinking the opposite of what a previous poster said about the likelihood of her being MORE judgmental if this was a hard core BDSM blog. I think what troubles people about DD is that it is a difference in a traditional lifestyle, so it's too close to their own wheelhouse. Likewise, if you tell people you are into spanking as a kink, that somehow troubles people less than if it is a real tool to improve your behavior.

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    1. I'm not sure why it troubles people less if it's masked as being a kinky/sexual thing, although I agree with you that it tends to be the case.

      -Chelsea

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  35. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. If you truly need an explanation as to your 4th comment now on my blog has been deleted, just email me. :-)

      -Chelsea

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    2. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with such an unpleasant, misunderstanding person. I can understand her perspective from a first glance, because when I first heard about DD I thought something similar. Clearly, she hasn't really read your blog or your husband's, because if she had done so with an open mind, she would understand how a DD marriage can be one of the best kinds of marriage there is.
      I also wanted to thank you for your blog, and your husband's blog.Your husband's blog helped teach us a lot about DD, and your blog helped show me 'the other side' of a DD relationship. :) It has been a huge encouragement!

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  36. I consider myself to be a feminist. This has put me in a position where I am always in contact with women who look down their noses at other women for simply choose to be a home maker or be the primary care giver much less consent to a DD relationship. In my opinion, feminism is all about being able to make those choices regardless of what they may be. It seems to me the idea of judging a woman for a choice they may consider taboo goes in the face of the very spirit for which feminism was founded. It seems me that when we simply cave to what the "modern woman" would do we accept a new sort of societal prison instead of freeing ourselves from them. I think that everyone has the right to make their own choices and its no ones place to judge.

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