Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Boot Camp Basics

Disclaimer: Boot camp is not for every relationship. It's actually really difficult (in my opinion) to tell whether boot camp is for you and your spouse, or not. It's something that you both need to agree to and something that I wouldn't recommend for those just beginning domestic discipline.

This is a topic that, for whatever reason, seems to cause a lot of controversy. I'm not sure why it is, but it seems like almost everyone who practices DD can fall into one of these 3 categories: completely agrees with boot camp, completely disagrees with boot camp, or is completely in the dark. There doesn't seem to be a lot of "middle ground".

For those of you who fall into the "completely in the dark" category, I'm providing a little "boot camp" outline for you. Obviously this doesn't include every single boot camp detail (because that would take me forever) but hopefully this helps.

I'd also like to say that there are many different ways to do boot camp. This is just one of them, but because it's the way that my husband and I did, it's obviously the only one I have personal experience with.

So, what is boot camp?

Boot camp is basically a multiple day (the HoH determines the length. I've heard of some couples doing it for 1 day, and some for as long as a week. My husband and I did it for 2 days.) "training" so to speak. The HoH determines the rules and punishments (which often times are more severe or more "out of the ordinary" than the typical rules/punishments the wife would have) and, in addition to the rules and punishments, there are homework assignments and random punishments (that don't necessarily have an offense tied to them) with "lessons" behind each one.

What is the reason a couple would want to do boot camp?

The goal is hopefully that at the end of boot camp you and your spouse feel closer together and have more defined roles. In addition, it helps the wife to be more respectful of both her spouse and the rules, and to increase trust. These outcomes often convince a couple who already has domestic discipline in their marriage to try and improve it.

How does boot camp work?

Boot camp is comprised of the following..
  • Punishments (for breaking the rules set forth during boot camp, and a seperate set of punishments with "lessons" behind each of them).
  • Homework assignments.
  • Communication building exercises (usually this comes from the couple discussing the homework assignments after they're completed, etc.)
Boot camp typically starts with the HoH removing all of the wifes privileges for the duration of boot camp.

Each day of boot camp contains 4 spankings. These spankings range from mild to severe, and each one has a lesson behind it (no complaining, hold still, no reaching your hand back/kicking/making it more difficult on your husband, and understanding that it could always be worse).

Each day also consists of 4 homework assignments. Some of these are individual ones that just the wife does, and some are ones that both the wife and husband do together. There is a pretty long list of homework assignments that the HoH can choose from prior to boot camp beginning, but some examples of them are listing qualities you love about your spouse, listing ways that DD has helped to improve your marriage, etc. These are always written assignments (usually 1-2 pages long).

In addition to the homework assignments and spankings, each day the wife is supposed to "practice obeying" by not responding "no" to any of her husbands requests. Failure to do so would result in immediate punishment of whatever the HoH chooses.

So, that pretty much sums it up. Obviously there is more in depth details that go along with this, but there's a basic overview of what boot camp is.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me and we can discuss it further.



  1. I'd say you are right about no middle ground. I am not a fan of the concept. I do appreciate that you advise that both be in favor of the idea. I don't think my husband would implement this without my agreement and he would know I'd never want to.

    I can see how anything, done with both parties agreeing and in the right loving spirit, might have positive end results. So I am not to judge for others.

    Personally, I'd be against it.

  2. I feel a boot camp will help us but i feel i am more readdy then my husband. My husband does spank me usely once a weekish but he sees it as a nessarry discipline as he likes the results of a spanking over the spanking it self. With children we seem to always very busy with a older one and a younger one the mix keeps us very busy. I think Boot camp is a good idea. I hope and pray my husband will come around to the idea and we im sure we will find time around the kids.

  3. I think boot camp could be a good idea, it could help one partner who is not quite at the same pace as the other bring them both up to speed with each other or determine once and for all whether they actually want to continue with DD or not. Just a thought. Id be ready for boot camp thats for sure, i think it would help my hubby to understand DD more fully and understand his role.

  4. This outline sounds vaguely familiar - could it be, because your husband gave Jim and I the outline that we modified to suit our needs?? LOL

    Good post Chelsea!!

  5. Hiya Chelsea,
    Please tell Clint I said thankies for the spankies. You see I've been a very bad girl and desperately in need of a fix for my spanko fetish. And Clint was happy to oblige. I hope you don't mind. He was so tender, yet so firm.

    Anonymous, now THAT'S some seriously disturbed kink. Did your tyrant... I mean HoH... do that to you? Here's a tip: 911.

  6. Submissive,

    I don't appreciate sarcasm, please do not use it. I asked the question in all seriousness. I had no intention of being sarcastic and I don't appreciate your using it against me in such a manner.

    While it hasn't actually been done, it has been discussed. My last pregnancy left me seriously dehydrated and I have great difficulty in drinking sufficient water. He has been considering it for me to keep track of my fluid intake -- I would be required to use them and he would require me to come to him for a diaper change so he can keep track of the number of wet diapers, how wet they are, etc.

    If there is an insufficient number, I would be checked on the hour and required to drink sufficient water to wet one diaper per hour. And I am not making this up.

    And these would be the real kind -- the adjustable with the tapes on the side, not ones like underwear.

    He is not forcing this on me. He simply thought about it one day when he dropped by the store for me -- purchasing diapers for the baby -- and the serious problem we had with my health. That's when he mentioned it. I was a little horrified and he saw it on my face. He said that when we did our regular boot camp after I was ready (a lot of rules slide when I'm pregnant because I get quite sick in my pregnancies, and boot camp is a uncomfortable, no fun at all, yet absolutely necessary, thing for me following a birth) that he was thinking about it, but no move on that would be made unless I was okay with it.

    So that's what I wanted to ask -- any input? We have done DD for a while and I am maintenanced regularly at his discretion. We are also Christians, homeschool our children and are very conservative. I really would appreciate someone's feedback instead of someone being sarcastic.

  7. Hello Anonymous,

    Don't be too upset about Submissive's response to you. This is a person with too much time on their hands and with nothing relevant to contribute to this blog. They don't belong here and they know it. Don't waste your time responding to someone who clearly has hate in their heart.

    I am a DD wife and have been practicing for about a year now. Your situation is a very personal one. It really comes down to how comfortable you are with adopting this practice with your husband. It sounds like he wants to help monitor your fluid intake and this is the best way he thought of to accomplish that. If you are comfortable with doing this and can work it into your schedules, than go for it. "To Each His Own".

    For me personally, I wouldn't be able to follow such a regimen. It would be way too humiliating to me to have my hubby remove and change my diapers for me. I would seek out some other way to evaluate the fluid intake, such as urinating in a cup throughout the day and placing in a large measuring container. Then record the final quantity at the end of the day. This would also be more accurate than your husband trying to judge quantity by how wet the diapers are. Hope this helps.


  8. Thank you, M. I appreciate your input. I'm just so exhausted and dazed right now, I hardly know what to think.

    The diapers are starting to look better and better, mostly because all I would have to do is just go to him and then lie down (and probably more often than not, drop off to sleep immediately)! I am sooooo tired.....

    But you are right. This would really humiliate me. Measuring and recording requires more mental effort, which I have hardly one more grain left of, but I am an adult.

    My kids are really close together in age, which also helps explain some of my health issues -- my body is just plain worn out. I need a rest. I am trying to convince my husband to agree to one of three different schools that conform to our goals for the children, but all I have for my efforts is a poor, paddled, sore bottom.

    It's funny, after each paddling, the next day I can usually pull school and meals and most cleaning together and keep my face cheerful. But in a few days I wear out again. First I get tired and my face gets pouty and worn out. Then things start to slide, and pretty soon I bring up school again -- which is when I go back to bottom up over his lap.

    He finally decided that my bottom just wasn't getting enough attention to keep me sweet, so now I receive a maintenance disciplinary session about twice a week. I keep a journal. I don't really know when the session will be, as it's not scheduled; he will just tell me quietly after we're finished with dinner some evening that he wants the journal. I bring it to him, and then go about the necessary chores. After I have everyone bedded down, that's usually when he comes and tells me after I'm done with sweeping, putting clothes away, etc., that it's time for discipline and to meet him in the bedroom.

    When I get there, he has the discipline implement he will use on me out on the bed. It's either a hairbrush, a paddle, or (shudder) his thick leather belt. We sit down together and I get the "velvet" (if you're familiar with Aubrey Andelin's "Man of Steel and Velvet" you will know what I mean -- I mean this is the gentle side of him.) We discuss the entire entry since the last discipline. I always try to prolong this as much as possible; I hate spankings. I get to talk about everything, he discusses my behavior and attitudes that are recorded, plus what he has observed.

    Then comes the "steel" part: I know when it's coming and I'm always nervous. Several times I have begged, please, no spanking. DON'T DO THIS. Begging to please not be spanked gets an extra spanking for disobedience. Ow!

    He tells me why that particular implement has been selected - hairbrush is for regular maintenance, paddle is for mild misbehavior, belt is for misbehavior combined with nagging and grumbling - and then I am firmly put over the bed or his lap, bared and firmly disciplined.

    Bringing up putting the kids in school I know will definitely earn me the belt. I hate the belt. I am sobbing horribly by the time one of those strappings is over. I feel it the entire next day which is probably why homeschooling after a strapping is usually a little better. He noticed it and one day said perhaps I needed a nightly strapping. I went white.

    I don't feel very close to him, though. I just feel like all my needs are subordinated to his leading the family in the way he believes is best. And my bottom is so sore!

  9. Anonymous nov 15
    I had extreme fatigue after my fourth child. Everyone said it was to be expected with four kids. It took me a year to get to the doctor. It turns out my thyroid wasn't working properly. This is common after pregnancy. I have also had extreme fatigue due to low vitamin D. By extreme fatigue, I mean I couldn't snap all of the snaps on a onsee. I couldn't match socks. Grocery shopping was like climbing a mountain. Everything seemed overwhelming to me. If you are so tired it may be more that the fluids problem. Please see a doctor. I felt better within days after correcting each of those problems. I hope you are able to get well soon. I am praying for you.

  10. Thanks. I'm seriously considering it. We tend to always put ourselves last. I need something -- either a trip to Hawaii (we can always wish!) without any children or anybody wanting anything, or a serious rest. I "loose it" on a regular basis. I hope to get to somebody maybe after the holiday.

    My postpartum submission re-training/boot camp begins day after Thanksgiving. I have asked that we do M's suggestion. He has agreed - but with the caveat that if I miss on one bathroom trip, into diapers I go. He bought a package of Depends today to be sure they were on hand in case I slip up.

    Ugh....I HATE submission training! (our usual reference for it)

  11. Hi Anonymous Nov. 15,
    I took your advice. My husband thought it was a great idea, too. He really encouraged me to do it, so I have an appt. for Wednesday, it's so hard to get in this time of year when everybody is rushing to use their insurance benefits before the year ends!

    I'm getting ready for Thanksgiving, anybody else love this holiday? I'm buying a lot this year. I don't have energy to bake much. But I love to make my cranberry pudding and my own cranberry sauce -- yum! Personally, I don't think you can ever eat enough cranberries!

    Then the next day "submission training" looms....and that package of Depends is sitting in the cupboard...please offer a little prayer that I don't end up in them.

    Also, thank you for providing a safe place for me to mention this...I am so embarrassed, so private, and never felt comfortable to mention any of this and I feel accepted by all of you, with the exception of that one other person, you have been so understanding and kind.

  12. I hope you get some help with your health. I'll pray for you right now. Keep us posted. By the way, it was my thyroid fatigue that lead us to a tradition we all have come to love. Each member of our family prepares a dish for Thanksgiving. Dad and I helped at first, but now they can do it on their own. Think of all of the homeschool lessons involved. Math, science, health... We homeschool too :) Plus, they will be able to make their favorite dishes for their families when they are grown.
    Happy Thnaksgiving!

  13. Hi Anonymous Nov. 21, 7:47am

    This is M. Sorry to be gone so long. Things were hectic as the holiday approached. I'm glad to hear you took my advice regarding fluid measurement. Do yourself a favor; put the cups on the back of the toilet and a reminder note on the wall so you don't forget!

    I must say I thought my life was hectic until I started reading about yours. We have downsized and live in a smaller home now. I have one child, a son, who is 5-1/2 years old. He is loud, rambunctous and wonderful. We would have had at least one more, but we struggled for a long time to have a successful pregnancy, and after our son came along, we simply ran out of time. And my mother lives with us too. Try practicing DD discretely with your mother in the house all the time. Not easy. But compared to your life and your schedule, I'll stop complaining.

    You do juggle many many things throughout the day and I don't blame you one bit for wanting to consider sending your children to school. Honestly, I don't know how you do it with 6 kids. Sometimes I have meltdowns with just my one. My mother once said that God gives you what you can handle.

    You didn't mention whether or not your husband helps you with the children in the evening (i.e. baths, putting to bed, etc.) Since he is dead set against schooling outside the home, maybe he would be agreeable to helping you with the children at night to give you a break and some needed down time.

    Let's talk about the implements. Our DD relationship started with his hand and the belt. He likes the cane too, but has only used it once. His favorite implement is the belt. I *HATE* the belt. I have a very low pain threshold and I know he holds back but it still hurts like heck afterwards. I've never experienced lingering pain the following day though, so I know you are receiving a much stronger spanking than I. We have a hairbrush but he doesn't use it. I want him to get a paddle but he says I'm not ready for it. I was under the impression that the belt and cane were harsher implements than the paddle. I guess I'm just going to have to wait until he's ready to use them. So far, no maintenance spankings, but I think they're coming. After a spanking, I have to do corner time naked on my knees with chest and head down on the floor and bottom up.

    Good luck with the submission training and hang tough. Keep me posted.


  14. Hello M,

    Well, I made it....except I didn't quite. I was so tired I forgot twice to take measurement of my output. He cut me a break the first time, but the second time he was quite disappointed...understandably so. We had an agreement and I didn't keep up. When he cut me slack the first time, I was sooo grateful. The second time, it was not going to happen. I was instructed to get a diaper and bring it to him immediately.

    But he was nice about it, all things considered. He was patient with me when I felt so upset about it, I knew I had to actually use them and it was awful, but he was very, very kind about it all. He insisted, though. And I was able to get through it being quiet and good. He didn't make me wear a diaper to church, because the type he made me wear were a bit noisy and I was very sensitive about that. I appreciated that. We had to get home immediately, though, because training wasn't over for me and I was put back in a diaper first thing when we got home.

    So on Sunday night, we ended my re-training (thank goodness). He did observe that he believed I need occasionally something quite drastic to teach me to be good, quiet, obedient and submissive. (Well, if this isn't ultimate submission, I don't know what is.) He said he hoped we didn't have to do anything that drastic again. I'm not sure what he means, except that he is utterly determined that I take better care of my health.

    Well...I'm bound and determined I will NOT be in diapers again! I have to do SOMETHING about this and NOW.

  15. You know, the more I think about it the angrier I am getting. I hated the whole thing and no, he's not one to help out. We're very tradionally minded around here, which means in a nutshell that all the household jobs traditionally a wife's domain are my responsibility. I am frequently just wanting to bury myself in the ground or go to bed and not have to wake up, I am so overwhelmed trying to keep the plates spinning.

    If he thought that this discipline was what I needed so I would be more submissive, then maybe he is right, because I can say for sure that I never, ever, ever want to experience that again. But this was really too far. I also am put in the corner, but always clothed. He never humiliates me in such fashion. But I do get disciplined for punishment, for prevention, for maintenance, you name it. And it mainly centers around my duties -- homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, keeping to the schedule, juggling the plates in the air -- and my attitude thereof.

    I'm tired. I am JUST PLAIN TIRED. Is there any room in a traditional, male-led marriage for the worn out wife who can barely put one foot in front of the other anymore? Frankly, I feel abused!

    I so much as said that yesterday and he just looked at me a bit dumbfounded. He was very quiet the rest of the evening, and just said "good night" when he went to bed. "Good morning" this morning and "thank you" when I handed him his lunch (I pack his lunch each day and serve him breakfast). Really, really quiet. There is a definite wall between us. I think he realizes he made a HUGE mistake here.

  16. I really want to download the e book Clint has written, BUT, I don't have a home computer so its not possible (but I am getting an e-reader soon, so I will then if I can) anyway. When you say the HoH removes "all of the wifes privileges" what exactly does that mean? can you give examples? I'm sure it includes "regular things" like going shopping or using the computer with out asking first. But would you (the HoH) also remove the "privilege" of going to the bathromm with out permission.

  17. Anonymous: No. He takes away privileges. Not rights. Things like using the bathroom wouldn't be considered a privilege to anyone (that I know of). Privileges are things like watching TV, playing on the computer, shopping, hanging out with friends, etc.

  18. I know that sounded like a crazy question about the bathroom. I was just wondering how deep the control and obedience could go. My experience so far have been more in erotic submission and the bathroom thing (asking for permission) is more of a BDSM D/s kinda thing. I was just curious. Thanks for answering.

  19. We downloaded the Boot Camp book and read through it together. We talked about each chapter, and we both agree that this will probably help our marriage. We have been practicing DD for about three years, but recently took a break. We think boot camp will help get us back on track. My worries are around the severe spanking, frankly I get knots in my stomach just thinking about them. Any words of advice, encouragement to help get through them? He talking about three days and I really want to be able to do this, just worried and a bit scared. Thanks for any help you can offer.

  20. Anonymous,

    Inform your husband that you forbid him to do the severe spanking. If he does it, then document. I, personally, have found you need leverage. Don't hesitate to tell him that if the line crosses in any area, you will be documenting. I know most of you don't have this problem, but if you do, forbid it.

    And don't let him do three days. One day max. Any more than that, and out comes that little pen and paper. Trust me, this is from someone who knows.

  21. I know it has been forever since these posts, but I felt I needed to comment about the home schooling situation. As a mother it is your duty to provide the best education you can for your children. This means that if you are feeling unable to provide that you find another means suitable, sending them to school or just having someone come into the home to help. As your husband it is his responsibility to see to the needs of the family, and you discussing your concerns about your children's education should certainly NOT lead to punishment unless you are haughty or rude to him in your discussion. I think you need to consider asking your husband to put DD on a back burner and have a serious "off the books" discussion about your family and your needs.

  22. Dear Mother of Six:

    I am curious - is this lifestyle a part of your religion? Does your church or your friends advocate this sort of treatment? Are you personally choosing to have such a large family? Of course, if you are uncomfortable answering please don't.
    I am so sorry for your situation and am hoping you can get some help soon. Do you have parents or other family that can help you out?