Sunday, August 7, 2011

Experimenting: Lets See If DD Really Works - How It All Began Part 1

When I first heard of domestic discipline, I was shocked, appalled, and quite frankly, a little disgusted that something so "crazy" existed. Like a lot of anti-DD people, I, at first, associated domestic discipline to be a cover up for domestic violence. I swore this was something I'd never have in my marriage, and my husband agreed. He had a lot of the same thoughts about it that I did at first. As the weeks and months went on following my discovery of this crazy thing called DD, my mind started filling with thoughts like "I wonder if those people in a DD marriage are truly happy", "I wonder if DD really does work", and most importantly "I wonder if DD could work for us". I guess curiosity got the best of me.

My husband and I never had, and don't have, any major marital problems. We've been fortunate from the beginning to have what I would consider to be an extremely solid marriage, relationship, and love for each other. When I first though of DD I thought "this must for people who are literally destroying their marriage one action at a time" and I was skeptical about whether or not it would actually work. But, I was curious to find out if the one issue we seemed to repeatedly have in our marriage could be solved by something so crazy as DD. I guess it was more like an experiment. 

I'll be the first person to admit that my procrastination was annoying. I'm sure it annoyed my husband more than me, and although I was determined to fix it, my determination didn't seem to go very far because, well, I procrastinated fixing my procrastination habit is the most clear cut way to put it. My thought process of "I'll do it later" was beginning to cause unnecessary arguments between my husband and I and although we never really fought about it, it was clear it was becoming a problem. 

I thought long and hard about if I even wanted to bring up an idea such as trying domestic discipline to my husband because I was so against it. It seemed illogical to me to recommend trying something that I didn't believe in. Still, I kept thinking "if this works, and if this actually can fix my procrastination, it'll be the greatest thing ever". For me, it was more of a "what do I really have to lose?" mentality. 

So, I talked to him about trying it. At first, his reaction was actually what I wanted it to be, which was "no way". I was relieved a little bit because I think, deep down, I thought by him rejecting this idea that meant he must not have viewed the procrastination as as big of a deal as I did, or that he thought domestic discipline wouldn't be a valuable tool to have in our marriage. Sweet. Experiment: Lets See If DD Will Work was over. Right? Wrong.

A short time later, my husband talked to one of his friends about domestic discipline and came back to me with a "maybe we should try it, just once" and so, reluctantly, we did.

(Part 2 coming soon)


  1. "Procrastinating fixing my procrastination habit"! I love that! It's true of a lot of us, unfortunately, and something that DD can help with.

    Congratulations on your new blog, Chelsea! I'm excited to see where this will take you on your path...

  2. Welcome to Blogland, Chelsea! I struggle MASSIVELY with procrastination too...ugh! But I'm so excited to hear your thoughts and learn all I can from your experiences! I'm looking forward to reading more!

    Kay :)

  3. 2 thoughts: I know EXACTLY what you mean- at first i was shocked and appalled and freaked out a bit- but just intrigued enough to keep reading...i never thought I would do it though.:)

    The other one is: I felt like all my big issues I was procrastinating on fixing/stopping...Now....I can't even remember what they were LOL

  4. Cool! A new blog! Welcome..

    My husband is quite strict about my procrastination habit..which is pretty bad. With his motivation I'm trying very hard and making strides. I am so stinkin distractible. Oooh look, something sparkly! :)

  5. Procrastination is not my problem, but my rude comments are my downfall. I got my first corner time this morning after quite a hard spanking. I was really rude, I admit that. I hated the corner time It took me so long to do 10 minutes. It was worse than the spanking. I don't think I can do that again. It really just made me angry. It had been threatened before, but never implemented. Is this a normal part of this?

  6. Ashely- I think every wife is guilty of not always thinking before they speak sometimes (thus, leading to rude comments and getting in trouble). It's a hard habit to break. Have you heard of the T.H.I.N.K. Method?

    Everyone has different reactions to corner time. Some people I know don't mind it because it gives them sort of like a "time out" from the world for a little bit and lets them be able to think free of distractions. Some people hate it because it's extremely boring, etc. But, for it to make you angry..I think you need to think about/ask yourself whether it's making yourself angry at YOU (for the misbehavior that got you there) or making yourself angry at the situation (being in trouble in general) or angry at your spouse (for implementing corner time). There isn't a right or wrong answer, but once you pinpoint WHERE the anger is coming from and directed towards, I can help you further.

  7. I think I used the wrong word now that you pointed it out. It wasn't anger, but I was embarrassed mostly. Also, I think I was annoyed with my decisions. I got ample warning that I was treading on thin ice, and I just said some things I regretted after I said it, but before the punishment. I think because I realized i screwed up before the punishment, I didn't think I deserved the corner time. It was also the first corner time, and not with warning. So I wasn't expecting it. We have since talked, and we are both on the same page. I am trying really hard to curb my biting sarcasm. In the end, I am not a fan of corner time, but I get that it will be happening again.

  8. I mostly get in trouble for cursing (not cursing him but just cursing) but its so hard to get out of the habit. Corner time is the most humiliating thing ever. I hate it.