Tuesday, January 17, 2012

FAQ Part 2

Hey everyone,

This is the second installment of my FAQ post "series" (for lack of a better term). I'm planning on one more entry (probably) so if you have a question you want answered, email it to me and I might feature it.

Why is crying during/after a spanking important?

I feel that some sort of emotional release at some point in the spanking process (before, during, or after) is important because it's just that- an emotional release. To be perfectly honest though, crying or showing emotion is something I've struggled with. It's not because the spanking doesn't hurt (yeah, definitely not because of that..) but it's more like some mental game I created to see how tough I really am (this is bad advice everyone..so don't take it. I'm just sharing what I do). So this is something I'm still working towards. Therefore, it's a hard question for me to answer fully. But, my general opinion on the subject is that if you cry, it's more of an emotional release. I also think it helps you to feel forgiven and more forward in a more constructive, and easier manner.

My husband refuses to rub my bottom before, during, or after a spanking. How can I get him to start doing that?

Short answer- Mine doesn't either. So, when you figure out something that works let me know!

In all seriousness though, I don't know. I've gotten this question quite a bit over the past few months (the topic of rubbing/massaging/etc seems to be a popular one) but the honest to God answer is I don't know. My husband occasionally will rub it like HOURS (or the next day..) after a spanking, but aside from that, he doesn't rub it at all. He also won't let me rub it (which is extremely hard not to do...extremely). I haven't yet found the perfect piece of advice to answer this question, but when I do, I'll post it here!

Do you read any spanking fiction stories? Which ones/sites are your favorite?

I don't read any. I've seen some of them (on Lulu, and other sites such as that) but I haven't ever bought, or read one. In the future, I might..but up until this point I haven't. I have nothing against them though.

Is it uncomfortable for you to talk about DD "in real life" out in public or with your friends? Is it uncomfortable to have "real life" friends who practice DD?

No, and no. At first it was kind of awkward to face-to-face talk with another person about an intimate/controversal/sensitive/opinionated topic like domestic discipline. But, over time I just kind of got used to it. Having friends "in real life" that practice domestic discipline is extremely beneficial, I think (for a lot of reasons). I feel fortunate to know so many people that practice, and they're all amazing. Up until this day, I've only come across 1 person "in the lifestyle" (and, I don't know her personally..) who I've had a bad experience with.

I'm single. Do you have any ideas on where I could meet someone to enter a domestic discipline relationship with?

I'm a pretty strong believer that the relationship should not be founded on domestic discipline. So, I think looking on designated domestic discipline personals sites may not be the best idea. There's nothing wrong with those sites, but I just think that getting a solid foundation of your relationship down prior to introducing, or talking about domestic discipline, would ensure better results long-term.

So, my advice would be to meet a girl/guy outside of the "DD world" and then, once your relationship is more established and you both feel like a long-term and more committed relationship is in the near future, then bring up domestic discipline (for more ideas on how to do that, click here) and go from there.

I'm married, but my spouse refuses to try domestic discipline. However, I feel it would really help me. Would it be wrong of me to seek out someone to punish me (or, for me to punish them) outside our marriage? If so, where would you recommend looking?

I've gotten both types of questions- "I want to take on a 'mentoring' role and punish someone (or help someone) outside my marriage because my wife isn't ok with DD" and "My husband refuses to try DD but I think it would help my behavior" so I thought I'd answer both in the same response because my answer is similar for each of them.

Short answer- I wouldn't recommend that.

Longer answer- Domestic discipline, to me, is different than having a "mentor" or mentoring someone (not that there's anything wrong with that). So when you use the term "I want domestic discipline" I really feel that's only something that can be achieved between two people in a committed relationship, or a marriage. I think seeking someone else to fufill that within your marriage would probably really piss your spouse off. If he doesn't want to punish his wife, the chances of him wanting someone else (especially someone he doesn't know) doing it are very slim and if your wife doesn't want you punishing her the chances of her wanting you to punish someone else (especially someone she doesn't know) are very slim. It's too intimate to have someone else "take over the role" in my opinion.

Now, IF by some miracle, your spouse IS ok with it, then I would recommend involving him/her in the process and talk with him/her about what they are, and aren't comfortable with. I think that's crucial. As far as where to look, I honestly don't know. I know there are some spanking personal sites (SpankFinder and Spanko are the only two I've ever heard of, but I'm sure there's dozens more if you google it) that might help you out.

The bottom line though is this isn't something I'd recommend at all. It's too "dangerous" for your marriage.

I hope everyone is having a great week!



  1. I'm really enjoying you FQA. Keep up the good work. I am always eager for your next blog.

  2. Just curious I saw your tweet this morning about getting through your punishment....are your punishments planned and you have to wait? I do not practice DD, but I would not want to have to wait knowing it was coming- I would not have been able to sleep;) I have really become interested in this, but I don't think I could ever approach my husband. We have been married 19 years and only once when we were first married did he try to spank me for leaving the iron on. Funny thing is I really wanted him to, but fought it and ever since he has only very playfully spanked me kidding around. I need to loose about 60 lbs and really think this would help me have a little more self discipline. Well sorry for rambling and hope the rest of your day turns out better!

  3. Anonymous: I usually don't have to wait. But, I broke a pretty major rule last night and it wasn't possible for my husband to punish me right away, so he waited until this morning. Most of the time though, I get punished on the spot, or shortly thereafter. The waiting is definitely bad though, you're right about that!

    19 years is a long time to be married, congratulations! If you want to talk further about your interest in DD and all of that, feel free to email me. I'd love to get to know you better. My email is on the "contact me" page. :)


  4. Thanks maybe I will email you for further discussion and insight!

  5. Chelsea,
    Where did you find other friends who also practice DD? How did you find out that they also do? Sometimes I think it would be beneficial to both my husband and myself to have an outside support group, but I have no idea how to go about finding such people. Any advice? I enjoy your blog. Thanks for all you do!