I used to not fear spankings. I've never liked them (at all) but I didn't fear them. When I heard "you're getting a spanking", my immediate reaction was just "understandable. Let's do this". But the "let's do this"' line began to translate into "not taking DD seriously", and "not caring" very quickly. My nonchalant attitude about it quickly morphed into a "whatever" one. Despite the fact I definitely didn't want to be spanked, I had developed quite the habit of blocking it out, and immediately focusing on everything I needed to do once it was over, the weather, what I wanted to make for dinner, etc. When at a decision crossroads, instead of picking the decision that was the best, and wouldn't get me in trouble, the trouble aspect never crossed my mind because I figured "well, if I get in trouble, I'll be ok". Needless to say, this was a problem.
I didn't want to fear spankings. I wanted to be tough. I wanted to be invincible. I wanted to be the wife that just accepts the punishment and moves on without even looking back.
But then something changed. Then I realized that it's ok to fear spankings and that there is a way to fear the spanking without fearing your husband. There's a way to make this a healthy fear, and not a paralyzing one. I realized it's ok.
Truth be told, every spanking my husband has ever given me has hurt to some degree. This isn't about pain. Some of my most severe spankings, pain wise, haven't made me fear spanking and while they did change that specific behavior, they didn't change my behavior overall. What I mean by that is this- say I get spanked (pretty severely, at that) for texting while driving. The chances of me texting while driving again anytime in the near future are very slim, to none. But the chances of me making another mistake in the near future that could potentially earn me a spanking are very high. Why that is is just simply because I didn't fear it like I should have.
Then one day, something changed. I had done something wrong and a spanking was justified. As I was heading to our bedroom, I remember thinking "well this sucks, so let's just get this over with because I need to finish putting away the laundry, packing, and making my shopping list". It was like well, in the midst of everything else I need to do today, let's just add spanking onto it.
"This spanking is going to be a bit different, dear. Not because the offense is necessarily more serious than others, but because I think you've became immune to how we currently spank".
Different? Wtf does "different" mean? And "immune"? Give me a break. I can still FEEL them.
But, like every other spanking, I cooperated. Thankfully, "different" didnt mean some kind of whips and chains stuff, and "immune" just meant I was so used to how we spanked, the ritual, the severities, the "breaks", the entire process that I just began to block it out.
By the end of my "new spanking", the pain was about the same. But the feeling was different. I felt more obedient, I felt more loved, I felt more apologetic. I felt like I actually cared! Because I did actually care. I cared a lot that I got spanked that afternoon, and all the sudden, that spanking didn't just seem like another item to check off on the to do list for the day. My entire attitude changed.
Now, I fear spankings. When I hear the threat of "if it happens again, you'll be spanked" I immediately shape up and when I hear "you're getting spanked", I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. But, despite all the fear I have of being spanked, I dont fear my husband. And that's why I consider this a healthy fear. I fear the spankings enough to where I do everything I can to avoid them. I think about them before I make a decision. They have an impact on me. Yet, I don't fear my husband when he comes towards me. When he's mad, as long as the word spanking isn't anywhere in the sentence, I'm good. And when he talks to me, I'm able to listen without fear.
Fear in a domestic discipline marriage is not bad. Without fear of the punishment, very little stops you from committing the offense. If you look at it differently- if you don't care about jail, you think it's no big deal, and it has little to no effect on your life, what's stopping you from stealing that shirt at the mall? If you don't fear getting a traffic ticket, what's stopping you from going that 10 mph over the speed limit every day? If you don't fear getting burned, then why do you use oven mitts to get things out of the oven?
The bottom line is that if you don't fear spankings, you have a lesser deterrent to follow the rules. If you've became immune to spankings, they're slowly becoming ineffective.
Fearing punishments in a DD marriage is almost a good thing I've learned. As long as you know when this fear is healthy, and when it isn't.
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